


Avoidance  (McHanzo)

by raku (takanope)



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Fluff and Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-01
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2018-07-19 11:29:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 26,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7359463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/takanope/pseuds/raku
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hanzo Shimada wasn't used to this newfound feeling in the pit of his stomach, an unfamiliar churning making it hard to focus on the issues at hand. Through the war that was tearing everything near and far apart, to the spats that were causing irreversible damage, the last thing he needs is more drama. But when wannabe-cowboy Jesse McCree walks into his life, his life is turned upside down and all of a sudden he is not the calm man he once was.<br/>With a cowboy dominating his thoughts, and the feelings only getting stronger what will happen to the emotionless man. Will he give in and act on impulse, or will he let this fleeting love get away from him for fear of making things worse for himself.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> aka my first attempt at a proper fanfic. Inspired by Ceecee Pupper and Hanzo Sinmada the Succ from the McHanzo discord channel of sins.  
> (Just a TW, chapter one contains some abuse however that was entirely included in the prompt. Skip the italics if you'd like to avoid it.)

_As Heir to the Shimada gang, Hanzo was never allowed to be a child. From early on, the only thing drilled into his head was the necessity to be strong and reserved, almost like a robot. Whenever a tear was shed, a punishment was delivered. From the very beginning he was doomed to be punished for merely being human, causing him to become  terrified of his own feelings. Soon enough, he became numb, unable to feel any compassion or regret. The only feeling that remained was resentment towards his father, and his mother who stood by the side as it continued._

_In some respects, he envied Genji. He got away with everything being the youngest, though it never gave him anything more than a lack of consideration for what his actions might do. There were no boundaries, Hanzo himself felt responsible for his lax personality and blatant disregard for rules and_ _etiquette that was a necessity for the older Shimada. His fathers constant defence of the younger boy, and blatant disregard for the strict regulations that applied to him were enough to drive him over the edge._

_"Feelings are not an option! When I am dead and gone, you will be thanking me!"  
_

_Yelled his father, hair sticking to his tear stained face as he backed himself into a corner. Helplessness and fear coursed through his veins as if there were nothing else for him in this world, and he felt as though at any moment he could be killed with nothing to show for it._

_"Only the weak cry, only the weak dare to show any kind of fear! Are you a suitable heir, or are you a disgrace to the Shimada name!"_

_"I am a man." Hanzo whispered, his throat burning from the screams that had echoed through the hallways only minutes before. "I am not a disgrace."_

_"Then act like it. Prove to me you are not weak. Prove you are fit to succeed me, or else you will not live to see the day of my death."_

_As a fist hurled towards him, he suppressed a scream of horror. Again and again the fist returned, hitting his body as if it were nothing more than a punching bag. Backing further into the corner, he glanced up at the man he had for so long idolised as if he were a god, an ethereal being, a man so powerful he could destroy all who stood before him with merely a swipe of his katana. At that moment, the powerful Shimada heir gave in to his father and allowed it to continue. After all, he deserved it for being such a weak and useless son. He was as useless as a daughter, if not more so, showing emotions as if he were merely a civilian._

_The "training" continued for many years, until eventually he became almost robotic at the tender age of fifteen. It had been drilled into his mind that his only use was to lead the gang forth when his father was either assassinated or reached the end of his life - however even after the years of abuse Hanzo somewhat hoped he would reach the end instead of a gruesome assassination purely for the sake of his sanity though even then he doubted it remained. Of course, as all began to calm down he was informed that he must kill his brother, egged on by his father. He immediately saw what he was doing, using his next-of-kin as if they were toys that only the crazy dared to play with. But somewhere deep down, he knew it was probably for the best. That's how he ended up stood before him with a katana gripped between his nimble fingers._

Shooting up as the light shone through the uncovered window, the cold air nipping at his bare skin, Hanzo felt his chest rising and falling as sweat covered his body. Breathing laboured, he let out a soft sigh and lay back down. He was unsure of what triggered the nightmare, however all he could remember was the blood covering his body before he woke up. The sight was chilling, and though the recall had brought him back to his brother he couldn't forgive himself for what he had done. He had no idea how or why he'd come back, but he had and it seemed as though he wouldn't be leaving any time soon. The lifestyle left him craving more, the violence on the field almost like a drug to him.

Ever since having left Hanamura and his family behind after rejecting the legacy, only returning to pay his condolences every year more-so for himself than his public image his life had been deteriorating. He had been shunned ever since his first attempt at escaping only mere years before his attempt to murder Genji Shimada. The name stuck in his mind for a few seconds before he felt a pain stab at his heart and remorse begin to set in. His legs and knees had been smashed numerous times in the courtyard for all to see in a bid to strike fear into the hearts of citizens, many laughing at the sight of one of the most feared men in all of Japan getting beaten by many to the ground in a bid to prevent him from escaping them again. One of the perks of being from a long line of deranged assassins. It was shortly after that he managed to escape, dragging himself away and ready to welcome death when he discovered Overwatch. His legs, severely damaged and barely working were destroying his job as a mercenary, and of course the ones that had saved his brother were the highest bidders. He could not deny them his services for fear of being killed by the very agency that offered him a chance, so decided to travel with them at least for the time being.

The memories were filling his head, his chest rising and falling faster and faster until the only breaths that escaped were ragged and desperate. He felt as though he were drowning, though he had to continue suffering in silence for the sake of his honour, for the sake of his image. A lethal man, unfeeling, almost as if he were a machine incapable of feeling anything. Resentment was all he was able to feel, everything else had been beaten our of him early on. He could not remember anything beyond hatred, for the family that stole such a precious thing, and for himself for never stopping it. Letting out a sigh, he pulled himself out of his bed and gently grasped the prosthesis that lay on the ground, lazily thrown to the ground. He hated them, he hated what he had become but as he slotted them on and heard the ever-familiar click that signified that he was just as broken as he let on. Picking up the kimono and lazily putting it on, he looked over at the clock that was resting on the table besides his bed, unmoved. It was only five in the morning, and he decided that were as good of a time as any to go and practise. It happened every night, he had no idea why it still surprised him at this stage, especially after months of the dreaded routine. Wrapping his arms around the familiar bow that rested beside his bed every night, and slinging the familiar worn quiver over his shoulder, he slipped out the door without a moments hesitation. The sun was rising, its light shining through the windows and causing him to squint for a few seconds until he adjusted. It was just like everything else, he dealt with it or adjusted accordingly. Of course, he never managed to leave without a hitch, seeing a familiar green glow before the man came around the corner.

"Ah, brother. What are you doing up at such an early hour?"

He asked, his robotic voice slick yet slightly distorted leaving him unnerved as always.

"Heading to practise, why do you care?"

He said, frustration lacing his tone as he continued walking, only stopping when he heard him continue to speak.

"Am I not allowed to try and fix out relationship, I have forgiven you. I hold no resentment towards you, I only wish to help you forgive yourself now."

"I do not wish to forgive myself!" He barked, quietening down when he remembered the rest of them. "Stop trying to make me do so." He finished, venom lacing his voice as he left in silence.

The door slammed closed behind him, and he knew Genji had the sense not to chase him over it. His plan had always been to have him come back, but honestly Hanzo had no interest in fixing the bond that had been severed more-so because of the doubt he harboured instead of just resentment because of the shame that Genji inflicted upon him. Leaving the safehouse, prosthesis scratching against the gravel that lay on the ground before him he soon found himself in front of the range. Hovering his fingers over the buttons, he quickly inputted the code that had been issued and slipped in. Pulling an arrow out his quiver, he slipped it into place and pulled back tuning out the world around him. Letting go, the arrow hit dead-centre, and he pulled out another. Continually firing into the dummies, he soon found peace and stopped for a few seconds. Before long, the sounds of metal hitting the floor filled his ears and he let out a muffled sigh.

"I can hear you, you are aware of that?"

He asked, earning a huff from behind him.

"And 'ere I was thinkin' I was doin' a great joba it."

"Why are you here. Did my brother send you?"

Retrieving his arrows, he waited for a response but all that greeted his ears was silence leaving him frustrated yet almost hoping for an answer.

"Ya could say that."

Responded the mercenary, a lazy grin on his face and it was at that moment that Hanzo Shimada realised that really Jesse McCree might be the worst thing to happen to him.

 


	2. Chapter 2

“If my brother sent you, I have no interest in conversing with you.”

Hanzo said firmly, his grip on his bow only tightening as time went on. It was typical of Genji to interfere, though he was never raised to respect boundaries so it left him unsurprised at the revelation.

“As I said, not exactly. Stormed away before I could getta word in edgeways.”

“Well then, what did he say to you?”

Hanzo said with a hiss, anger beginning to fill his veins and he found himself become tempted to shoot that ridiculous faux hat off the man’s head in a bid to knock some sense into him.

“Not so much what he said, more what I ‘eard. Ya need to learn to keep ya spats more quite.”

“Get to the point cowboy.”

“Calm yerself down. He told me to go afta you, something’ about me bein’ the best bet. Left after that.”

“Well, now you’ve told me that would you please get out.”

He said strongly, pulling out a sole arrow and sliding it into place with his fingers poised and ready to shoot at any second. But god, the man seemed blissfully unaware of that fact and leant against the wall with a sigh.

“Nah, ya gotta hear me out. Didn’t come ‘ere just for kicks.”

Jesse said nonchalantly but not before he found a bow pointed towards his face, a glare plastered across the elder Shimada’s face. Of course, he was well aware the man could shoot him without a second thought, he’d seen it many times and he never showed remorse afterwards. The bodies only seemed to be a mere memory to him, and he didn’t want to end up that way therefore he fell silent for a few seconds before continuing.

“Genji ain’t lyin’ when he says ya a tough nut to crack. And put the bow down, just tryna help ya out.”

“I do not need your help. I am perfectly capable of dealing with my own problems, I do not need you interfering with such personal issues.”

He said, though he lowered the bow slowly to scan him up and down. Of course, this wasn’t his first time seeing the cowboy-wannabe but it did happen to be his first conversation. He was just as pushy as he’d expected when he’d flung open the doors and interrupted his training, though for some reason he found himself unable to put him in harm’s way. It was abnormal and unwelcome and he honestly wanted to slap the stupid smirk off the man’s face, however his self-control was preventing that.

“Aight, whatever you say. Jus’ go talk to the man, not seen ‘im this down in a while. If not for his sake, for yours.”

With that, he disappeared leaving the shorter man stood watching the door swing shut with a bang. God, this man was going to drive him crazy and he knew it. He’d known him only a short time and yet he was already ballistic with him. Pushy, so pushy, lacking manners and almost a polar opposite to Hanzo. But somehow he felt himself yearning for more of it, more petty conflicts, and he had no idea why.

Regardless, he continued on, his shots still landing as if it had never happened and the arrows piercing the dummies as his anger faded away. Even years after the incidents, his hatred for his family never faded. Even Genji, who stood by and let it happen as he partied late into the night was to blame for what he had become. One after the other, the targets fell to the ground with a satisfying bang and he let out a sigh of relief.

Retrieving the arrows and slipping them into his quiver, he left the range without a second thought, more at peace with himself than before. Entering silently, and taking a second to listen to the conversations going down between his team he let out a barely audible huff of frustration. Winston seemed to be planning out a new mission, and as he rested against the wall behind him he looked at the sheets. Seemingly, he had partnered up most of the team leaving them to their own antics.

_Dva / Lucio_

_Mercy / Soldier 76_

Scanning his eyes down the paper, he had to supress a hearty laugh at some of the names that popped up. They had been so incredible in their eyes when they thought of them, but now here they were, all middle aged looking as if they were going through a midlife crisis. The thought amused him and his mind began to wander as a small yet foreign smile fell on his face.

_Winston / Tracer_

_Hanzo / Genji_

_McCree / Zenyatta_

Of course, it was seemingly typical that Winston would try to be some kind of mediator even with issues he had no backstory for, however Hanzo knew he would have to suck it up for the sake of their mission being somewhat of a success. There was no more to it, they would go in and he and Genji would cover for each other, forgetting the past if not just for a second. It was bliss, one reason he loved the lifestyle so much. Whoever he was with or whatever he did, it helped him forget and gave him some kind of freedom. Feeling a light tap on his right arm from something cold, he perked his head up and turned to the face. Everyone had disappeared, leaving him deep in thought, all besides the damned cowboy-wannabe.

“Ya okay there mate?”

“Why would I not be?”

He asked, though his voice faltered and he let out a sigh.

“Winston was worried, ya weren’t focusin’ on his plan. Got upset for a second before writin’ a buncha crap on his notes. Never seen the ape write so fast.”

“I was merely thinking; it is nothing to worry about.”

“Ya sure? If ya find yourself needin’ to talk, just gimme a yell.”

“I am sure, and I will not be giving you a yell. It is not courteous to the others residing here.”

With a chuckle, the Texan walked off and he felt yet another frown slip onto his face. _‘Probably another one of those dratted Americanisms’_ he thought, before retiring to his quarters to stew in private.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whelp, stuffs starting to get real. and like a bunch of kudos, thank you so much! this is my first /real/ book on here and i appreciate everything, its motivating me to keep going and pursuing this. thanks again <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mediocre update, sorry in advance! read the end notes for more of an explanation :)

Of course, as the mission began to near their training began to get more strenuous and Hanzo found himself getting far more burnt out than others. Unlike a lot of them, his fighting style was purely based off agility and skill, whilst many others could quite easily get away with staying in the same place for extended periods of time (most notably Ana, who had rejoined the team as a way to reconnect with her daughter) whilst still doing a lot of damage.

It left him far more irritated to the point that he found himself bribing Hana to see where Jesse would be just so he could avoid him. He was left even more drained after every interaction, the cowboy poser’s heart was most certainly in the right place, but it was always his methods. Whilst endearing they were far too quirky for Hanzo to properly appreciate.

The mission and thus his inevitable run in with his brother began to get closer, and with his blatant inability to engage with him in group training it became evident that the opposition may be able to break through because of it. It was not so much his brother himself, more him being terrified to kill him again. It had taken so much away from him, leaving his vision clouded, and even this many years on he found himself unable to cope. It was a sad existence, but he had allowed the burden to swallow him many years ago.

Strolling down the hallway, he found himself running into Winston, who had a reassuring smile on his face as he spotted the man. He felt tempted to try to get away, but knew it would only arouse suspicion and throw yet another issue at the team.

“Ah, Hanzo. I’ve been meaning to find you, I hope you aren’t busy.”

Winston said, his voice seemingly relaxed which left a small smile playing at the mans lips.

“I was just leaving for the range, but I can spare a few minutes if you wish.”

He responded slowly, his fingers gently rubbing the bow, a nervous habit of his ever since he had picked one up for the first time.

“That would be perfect, would you mind stepping into my office for a minute? I don’t think you’d appreciate it being discussed in the middle of a corridor."

With a chuckle, he looked over for approval. A curt nod was all Hanzo was able to offer as he stepped in the open door, holding it for the other man. He could only hope it was not something to do with Genji or that dratted cowboy. But as luck may have it, it seemed to be just that as he spotted the papers littering the desk in front of him. Words were messily scratched out, and he briefly scrunched his nose in distaste, there seemed to be no order and it irritated him to no end. Surely as leader of such an organisation he wouldn’t have such distaste for order.

However, he leant against the wall and looked down to the man.  
“As you know, we are meant to be moving a payload loaded with military weapons in a week. However, I’ve noticed you are reluctant to work with Genji which could jeopardise the mission. Sadly the only person I can possibly risk pairing you with is McCree, so you must decide before the mission otherwise I will be unable to send you. I cannot risk any sort of issues occurring with such valuable weapons at hand.”

Of course, it just happened to be Hanzo’s luck. Whilst it was to help the team and smooth over any strategical flaws he felt cornered, unable to think straight. On one hand, he had an annoyance also known as McCree, on the other he had his brother. He knew he would have to go with the cowboy, it was not as if something was going to come of it. They would fight, complete their mission, and that would be that. He merely needed to fix the bridges he had been attempting to burn and it would be fine.

“I shall go with McCree. Do I need to go and inform him for you, or would you prefer to do so yourself?”

“I’d appreciate if you would, I need to start planning everything again.”

With yet another small nod, he strolled confidently out the room. He was not weak, he was a dragon and the dragons never took to mere avoidance to solve the issues presented to them. At worst he would befriend the man, but he had no plans to go even that far. Hearing the rest of his team just down the hall, he slowed and began to read the names on the doors before soon enough stumbling upon the one he needed. A familiar door swung open as he let out a sigh, and he looked up at the taller man.

“Lena, how many times ‘ave I s-“ The man began before looking down and doing a double take, a glare plastered on the shorter man’s face. “Howdy Shimada, whatcha doin’ out here?”

“I was sent by Winston to inform you that there has been a partner change, and that therefore I am now your partner for the upcoming mission, and to ask if you would like to train together so we may maximise the damage we deal to the enemy.”

A blank look crossed over Jesse’s face for a split second before the lopsided grin Hanzo was used to seeing reappeared.

“Ya coulda jus’ said so, I was headin’ down there anyway. Don’t mind doin’ a bit of work, could use the extra practice.”

And with that, the gunslinger began to hobble away leaving Hanzo traipsing nervously behind. The dragon inside was beginning to roar, wanting to be set free to claim what was his but Hanzo held it back for this was not right. Letting out a light sigh, he quickly caught up with the other man and slipped into the room as if nothing had ever happened between the pair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for such a bad update, ive fallen into a hole of depression and stuff. but ive got a couple of comments on my stuff and it really motivates me to keep writing for you all, so if you have anything at all to say please drop a comment - it makes my day! im trying to get into a more consistent schedule, but this was more a half-assed filler so sorry again about that. everything should be back to being decent in the next update.  
> so yeah if you enjoyed please do leave kudos and comment, it makes my day and motivates me a bunch.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> raku tries and fails to make a chapter #4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im really sleep deprived and just genuinely being a failure but here have some kind of headcanonny stuff courtesy of all the people supporting me on wattpad

It was relatively tense, the air was heavy and Hanzo couldn’t quite clear his head. The pair decided to test out a new technique on a few of the dummies, which reluctantly Hanzo had found himself agreeing to. It involved some kind of combination of the deadeye and the dragons, and at this stage he was pretty sure if a bullet went through his head he wouldn’t even be surprised.

Jesse thought the dragons were some kind of firing technique, so when the pair found themselves lining up, Jesse let his mouth hang open as they soared through the air. Smugly, Hanzo dropped his bow to his side. He didn’t know why it was so fulfilling to show off to him, but hell did it feel good. Maybe that would explain the feeling in his chest, and with that he makes a mental note to go and ask Genji later on. Somehow, he figured he would know best, seeing as he’d had the ability to gloat over him a lot as children.

“Shimada?”

“Yes?”

“How the hell dya do that-“

“Do what?”

“The magic dragon thing, floatin’ bullshit.”

With a raised eyebrow, he cleared his throat.

“You mean summoning the dragons? That is a part of my heritage, only a Shimada can do that. It would explain why you have not seen it, though I am surprised you have not seen Genji do it before now.”

“Well I mean, Genji ain’t exactly round much when I’m fightin’. Prefers to sneak round instead of runnin’ for it. But I mean like, where’d they come from because I don’t think ya can just pull ‘em out of the arrow.”

“According to the stories we were told as we were raised, the dragons come from within. For example, I was raised with only a single dragon of whom would surround my katana as I trained. Genji was similar, though his dragon was always the more rebellious.” He said, a small chuckle escaping his lips. Jesse was looking at him, and it left him with a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach. Forcing himself to continue, he tried to ignore it. “However, when I killed him, I took that part of him. And now, I harness both the dragon of the north wind, and the dragon of the south. Genji however, I am uncertain of. I can only assume that his dragon still partially remains with him, though in a severely weakened and docile form.”

With only a hum in response, he noticed Jesse’s eyes roam to his arm.

“Can I, y’know, touch it?”

He asked quietly, and as soon as he saw a nod come from him, he almost dashed forwards. Of course, Hanzo was trying to control the crawling beneath his skin as the other man’s fingers gently traced the lines that lined his delicate arms. The blue that he recognised so well began to shine, and Jesse’s eyes lit up like a child.

It was endearing, he could hardly deny that much and as the two dragons began to appear, though far smaller than he had imagined. They danced through the air, twisting and turning delicately. It was almost childlike, and though even he had no idea what they were really doing, he liked to imagine that they were playing with each other like he and Genji used to.

“Ameryuu, Ryutsuki, ochitsuite kudasai!” _(Ameryuu, Ryutsuki, calm down please!)_

He said playfully, a small smile tugging at his lips. He had hardly noticed they were leaning into each other, far too captivated by the sight before themselves. They seemed to float towards Jesse, the edges of his serape being lifted behind him, much to Hanzo’s amusement, and he could hardly contain his laughter.

It seemed as though the tension melted away, it seemed so innocent and he couldn’t help but allow it to continue. Though, he noticed Ameryuu beginning to tug at the serape, and reached out a hand in a bid to calm the dragon.

“Yasashii.” _(Gentle.)_

Hanzo murmured, and he complied. Soon enough though, they grew tired and instead decided to disappear to slumber most likely. Jesse was still as amused as he had been earlier, Hanzo couldn’t complain. If it made him happy, and released the tension that could cause conflict in their training, he was satisfied.

“Didn’t expect ‘em to be so gentle…”

“Trust me, I did not expect them to be so… docile. They are usually fairly hostile when it comes to strangers.”

Jesse was the first to pull away, and Hanzo’s side felt almost oddly empty. Pulling his bow back to his side, he noticed Jesse pick up his peacekeeper and toss it between his hands tiredly.

“Are you ok? We may take a break if you wish.”

“I’m dandy, jus’ kinda feel dull now I’ve seen ya dragons.”

The cowboy responded, a chuckle leaving his lips. And maybe his deadeye was slightly “dull” in comparison, but it certainly left a wake of destruction in his path that sufficed in the heat of battle. His mouth opened, and the words slipped out before he could quite register what he was saying.

“It is incredible. I have always been left to wonder where you learnt such a thing.”

“One day I outta show ya how to do it… I think ya might like it.”

With only a hum of agreement, the pair soon returned to their training that was originally their intent. Jesse meanwhile was unable to shake off the feeling that was causing his breath to catch in his chest, he knew exactly what it was, however was unable to accept it.

But as the hours turned into days, and the mission got closer, the pair got closer than imaginable. Even things such as eating together began to come naturally, the conversations ranging from strategies and simulations that had pulled them ahead of other pairings, to life back home. When Hanzo learned of Jesse’s past in the Deadlock gang, he seemed to open up slightly, speaking about fond memories from back in Hanamura occasionally. And in turn, Jesse would recall tales of back with his sisters and mother, joking that one day he would take him to meet them, even if it killed him.

Of course, all was not to be easy, and as the entire team entered their final simulation, almost immediately they picked up that something was wrong. The supposed bots movements were far more natural, even Winston found himself getting hit. And soon enough, it set in that they had been infiltrated. This was no longer a drill; this was a war they had only ever been left to imagine. A war in their own territory, a war in a simulation only left to the imagination.

The respawn wouldn’t work, death was permanent. The mere fact that their untimely demises may be looming before them was enough, but as the bullets soared through the sky Hanzo felt his skin burning. Someone, or something, was manipulating the dragons. And as screams ravaged the battlefield, he feared he may be the next victim.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you enjoyed, please feel free to leave me a comment, its one of the main motivations to pump out updates (i mean look at BBBH, its past 10k words in just over a week oh my gosh!). but yeah, thank you for the kudos and love, i really appreciate it <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Between a massive gunfight between Talon agents and Overwatch and Hanzo getting himself injured, will he finally realise that maybe he sees Jesse as more than a friend?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hi sorry if this chapter sucks! theres been a lot of drama and stress, and ive gotten myself caught up in it! along with that, im now modding a new chat - more on that in the end note. i hope you enjoy :D

Pulling back his bowstring, he let out a hiss of pain as a bullet grazed his skin. At this stage, had no idea where they were coming from, and it was far too big of a fight to take a second to check. Quickly throwing himself away from an incoming grenade, he pulled himself above the battlefield. Hands gripping the platforms before him, he hauled himself further and further up until he ended on the rooftops. Hearing only a faint grunt of disapproval from Jack, he continued.

Pulling out a scatter arrow, he fired it right into the centre of the opposition. The crawling in his skin stopped for a few seconds, though when it came back he almost fell to the ground in agony.

Bounding across the rooftops, he landed yet another hit on another agent. It was never meant to be this way, there was meant to be peace, not a war where their simulations were infiltrated by enemies they never wanted to have. There were only meant to be missions yet there they were fighting in a battle more real than ever before.

“Shimada, get off the damn roof!”

A familiar voice rang out through the static he had grown accustomed to, and he recognised it immediately as Jack’s. His com was coming loose, but he couldn’t grab it as a bullet finally pierced his skin. Hissing in pain, it almost seemed to happen in slow motion. Falling to his knees, there was little option other than to simply avoid as much damage as he could whilst crawling to a medpack. His body felt heavier as he almost skidded the ground, a familiar cowboy almost throwing himself in front of him.  Hands clutching his storm bow in agony, he weakly tried to assist but to no use, his aim was less than useful. Desperately fumbling for his com to tell someone, anyone that they were surrounded proved futile, and he resorted to desperately applying pressure to the wound in the hopes he could stay awake just until the end of the battle.

The battlefield almost fell silent, all that could be heard was faint mumbling from Jesse that seemed to stop all in their tracks.

“Line ‘em up-“

_ Knock ‘em down. _

He’d been told the story before, his mentor had taught him this. He almost hailed the man, having been saved from a life of crime and drugs by him. Then came the betrayal, and suddenly he was the villain of his fairytail. Agents fell left and right, and he tried to avert his eyes. Concern filled the other man’s eyes, and in mere seconds he had his arms around him.

Clutching at the serape that hung loosely around Jesse's neck, Hanzo almost seemed to be gasping for breath. Whilst he would not be opposed to the warm embrace of death he could feel the dragons pining for Jesse under his skin. What these emotions were he was uncertain, but it did not soften the blows to his heart.

He deserved death, he deserved his death to bring some honor back. As the world's vengeance for him killing Genji all those years ago. He couldn't force words out, but it seemed the cowboy knew what he needed as he began to beg for help down the com.

"Mercy, I'm beggin' ya please get down here!"

The words seemed to fade and though his leg felt almost numb, it still left sharp pain stabbing at him every so often. Pulling the other man closer, ignoring everything around them, he could only hold him.

Jesse seemed to get the message, a firm arm wrapped around his waist as he tried to shield him from any more agents that may show. Arms shaking, the crawling in his skin unbearable, and fear filling his mind his breathing became labored and he tried to fight the darkness filling his vision.

"Leave me behind."

"Darlin' I'm not gonna do that!"

"Jesse, leave!"

He yelled weakly, releasing his serape and letting his arms fall uselessly to the ground with a thud. It was the only way they could win, he just needed to leave. With a hesitant nod, the cowboy scrambled off to the battle, leaving Hanzo laying on the ground in agony trying his best to stay alive.

The only thing he could remember was waking up semi naked in the med-bay the next morning, his knee heavily bandaged and tubes running to his arm. Pulling himself up after a few minutes and glancing around in confusion, he couldn't see any kind sign anyone else was or had been around. He just wanted out, and as he tugged the needles from his arm he felt a small smile slip onto his face. He had lost his legs whilst he was younger, it wasn't like he couldn't walk like this anyway. It was only the feeling of freedom that motivated him to do this, he only wanted to be free of the ties that were keeping him lying there uselessly. Feeling eyes on him, he hesitantly snook a look at the door to see a mildly horrified Angela stood in the doorway, clutching a notepad to her chest and frantically fiddling with her pen.

"Hanzo, what are you doing?"

"What does it look like? If I am not mistaken, besides the wounds I have sustained to my knee I am fine, correct?"

"Indeed, though you're meant to be healing. Unless it's important I simply can't justify you leaving the medbay!"

Shaking his head gently, he retracted his hands with a small sigh.

"I understand, I apologize for causing such a fuss. Though, I do not suppose you would mind informing McCree I wish to see him?"

A warm smile settled on her face, and she looked at him with sympathy he had not expected. It seemed almost fond, nostalgia seemed to pass over her face in an instant.

"It's fine, we all get a bit mad when it comes to love. I'll ask for him right away, though don't expect him to take long, he has been moping around most of the day over having to leave you behind."

"How endearing. Thank you."

He murmured, confusion and doubt evident on his face. Love? She must be sorely mistaken, whilst the pair were close they were hardly in love. It was completely normal to have your friend on your mind all day, or at least that was what he has assumed was correct. It just meant they were close, that was all.

The clicking of her heels said enough, and he knew she'd left. Resting his head against the wall in anticipation he let his mind wander. The hysteria on the battlefield was but a memory though the words he nearly yelled never left his mind.

_ Stay safe.  _

_ Don't die.  _

_ I love you.  _

Hah, he could blame the others for that. Real men didn't care, married women for children so the gang could continue their trade. Any that dared to love men were killed in the dark of night with nothing but disgrace to their name, an unmarked grave their final resting place. 

He wouldn't however deny that Jesse was extremely attractive, even the rugged beard that covered his face in an unruly manner was appealing. The southern slang was beginning to appear in his vocabulary much to others amusement, and the more he considered it the more he let his mind drift away. If he could feel whatever love was, he was certain he would not be opposed if he felt it with Jesse.

“‘Ey… Hope I'm not interruptin’ ya there.”

Shaking his head, he let out a hum and pushed a stray hair out of his face. He would never be used to the feeling of it hanging loosely around his shoulders, it always left him feeling out of control.

“Do not be ridiculous.” He began, a small snicker leaving his mouth before he could stop it. “I would not have asked you to come down here if that were the case.”

A warm smile fell onto the cowboys face, lopsided but heaven only knew how fast his heart stopped. 

“In which case, I hope ya don't mind me doin’ this.”

“What are you doi-”

Feeling two broad arms wrap around his torso, he let out a frustrated hmph, a chuckle of satisfaction leaving the other man's mouth. Reluctantly he nuzzled his face into his shoulder, and allowed his tired arms to hang loosely around his neck. He couldn't stop himself from pulling him closer, nor could Jesse stop from doing the same.

“I was worried y’know? Ya told me to leave so I did, but God when ya didn't show up later on I thought you were a goner for sure.”

“Do you really consider me that weak? I will have you kn-”

“No. Ya takin’ me for a fool. I ain't sayin’ ya weak, I'm sayin’ that I'm an idiot for leavin’ ya to die.”

“McCree?”

“Shimada?”

“Shut up.”

A cough of embarrassment later, and the pair separated. Hanzo’s arms crossed tightly over his torso, and Jesse leaning lazily on the wall. He was sick of the sterile environment and coming from a Shimada that was saying a lot. It was far better with Jesse there, he didn't know why but he would take what he could get. It was probably the rugged clothing that made it seem that way, though he could never be sure.

He'd have to ask Angela about the butterflies in his stomach next time he saw her. He couldn't just let himself get sick before the next mission, especially after his stupidity had nearly got him killed and of course jeopardized the mission. In some respects, he saw this as a way to get his honour back, then again he would never regain it until the day he died. Old habits died hard he guessed, the cowboy turning on his heels and leaving the room with nothing but a tip of the hat. From that point on, the day seemed to pass like a blur, in and out of rooms constantly.

He soon had a leg back, though only after much convincing of Angela (who still wasn’t willing to give him his other leg back, much to his distaste). Whilst he may have been shot, the pain medication on board was making him feel human yet again and he could only assume that even through his patience he had made it abundantly obvious he would just like to rest. 

The rest of the team seemed to have made themselves scarce, though it made sense seeing as those that weren’t injured were trying desperately to clear up the wreckage that had been left behind when the simulation had been destroyed. He still had no clue how it had happened, and with having seen Winston typing faster than he could even imagine he knew it wouldn’t be a simple thing either. 

Lucio was beside him, messing with goodness knows what, and though he didn’t stop for long it seemed so daunting to see that much going on. He hardly gave the younger members credit for what they did, though especially now he couldn’t deny how what they were doing was incredible. Between the pounding of keys, and the huffs of frustration, the coffee mugs strewn to the side and Hana laying in the corner fast asleep the sight was almost pitiful. Angela had to almost drag him away as he tore his eyes away from the sight. Who had allowed Talon to infiltrate and attack them may forever be a mystery, but as his mind drifted once again back to the cowboy he had yet to see he felt his heart skip a beat once again.

“Angela?” 

He murmured softly, the words almost unheard as they left his lips. With nothing but a quiet hum leaving her lips, the soft smile that was almost constant still on her face, he decided to continue.

“This may be an obscene question, but… when you feel almost as if you have butterflies in your stomach, what does it mean?”

A knowing smile spread across her face, and she stopped walking for a few seconds, he could only assume to gather her thoughts. Leaning on the crutches that he was beginning to resent, she shook her head.

“It means you are in love Mr Shimada.”

Turning on her heel, she began to walk away without another word.

Well, if this was love, he could safely say that he, Hanzo Shimada, was truly and royally screwed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hi hello welcome to the end notes~  
> As I said at the start, I've started running a new McHanzo server! There's a group of lovely mods, and a bunch of awesome artists and authors all chilling. Of course, I'd love if anyone reading this showed up, so feel free to drop by! The invite link is below, and I'd be totally chill talking to some of you.  
> https://discord.gg/MzVAd6M


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact i have no idea where this story is going im a gr8 author

The next day was filled with forms, interrogations and forcible bedrest by Angela. At one stage, she had strapped him to bed, and after that he was genuinely afraid of the woman, deciding to give in. The upcoming mission was less than a week away and if all went to plan he would be allowed to go along albeit under the watch of the team, to quote seventy-six’s words ‘No running on roofs unless you want me to be the one shooting you off this time.’

Eventually though he was free to go, dismissed to return to his duties. Of course, the first order of that was retrieving his storm bow which he had heard was still stowed away in his locker. He didn’t want to leave it there, and after a week of no training he felt it was probably about time to get back into it. Pulling himself up and properly onto his legs, he adjusted until the pain that was previously there disappeared. Aside from the gentle click of his feet connecting with the tiles, the journey was silent and he was left to his own thoughts. Next time they were in battle, he would prove he wasn’t as weak as he had let on last time. His pride wouldn’t allow anything less; he wouldn’t allow anything less.

Arriving before his locker, he unlocked it quickly and slipped the bow out along with the quiver, and closed it with a grimace. He was less irritated about them being left there overnight, and more irritated about the unsightly chips and scratches on the bow. Making a mental note to sort it out, unwilling to go to battle with it in anything less than pristine condition, he placed it over his shoulder and headed to the shooting range without a word to anyone. Solitude was a welcome thing; he didn’t mind being alone once again.

Pulling an arrow out the quiver and firing, he felt liberated, almost human once again. It was therapeutic, it put him at ease and reminded him of his past – sneaking off to practice beneath the grand cherry blossoms in Hanamura. Archery was frowned upon, considered less practical than other such things – even as he grew older and began to spar with Genji it was evident that there was a hint of truth to it, his fighting style lethal and precise instead of sloppy and rushed like his brothers had once been. In his eyes, it all depended on who was handling the weapon. As soon as he landed the final blow, he had vowed never to pick up a katana yet again, and until recently he hadn’t considered it. That was of course until he realised it may be the way to fix the bond with his brother, a plight he was seriously considering.

Letting out a heavy sigh, he felt a smile tug at his lips. The arrows curved through the air, landing in the target with a satisfying thud that left a mark, reminding him. As the time passed, his shot never dared to falter, instead only growing more powerful until he heard a grunt behind him. Instinctively he pivoted on the ball of his foot, slamming a fist into the intruder’s nose before he could take a second look.

A screech later, and he realised it was the cowboy. That was of course after he’d straddled him and pinned him to the ground, an unfortunate predicament for the pair of them.

“Darlib’ for gob’s sake, I’s just be.”

“I apologise, I did not intend to-“ His nose looked out of place, and as he let him go he coughed. “Your nose appears to be… bleeding a little.”

“Coulbn’t tell.”

Wiping his nose with his serape, Hanzo let a look of disgust pass onto his face, a lopsided grin being the cowboy’s response. Standing up, he offered him a hand with a grimace at the sight. Leaving his bow behind, pledging to return it later, he began to speak.

“I shall escort you to the medbay, I apologise yet again. I did not intend for this to happen.”

“Dibn’t say anythib like that. Dobn’t worry, I’ll be fibe.”

Of course, the short walk to the medbay was tense, the pair walking side by side in silence until they arrived. Hanzo tried to find words to speak, but there were none he could think of. He just wanted the internal bullshit to end, he was sick to no end of it. Feeling a hand brush against his, he nervously grabbed it and that was that. It was simple, baby steps, this was nothing.

Of course, their hands were ripped apart (and his own nearly ripped off) when Angela saw the sight. Yelling in incoherent German, quite obviously a stream of choice words if they were anything like the expression she wore on her face, she dragged Jesse away  to one of the rooms before him. Taking the chance to leave, he slipped out shamefully to retrieve his gear yet again. It seemed the only thing he could do, seeing as he had no interest in facing Angela’s wrath in this state and everyone else seemed to be out on another mission.

Grabbing it as fast as he could, but taking the initiative to clear up after the scuffle the pair had had, he slipped away yet again to his quarters. He hadn’t returned in too long, and his belongings were beginning to gather dust. Tucking his weapons away in the corner and opening the window to let some fresh air in he seated himself and closed his eyes for a second just to take it all in. It was the closest to peace he was going to get, and he welcomed it with open arms.

He wasn’t sure how long he’d been there clearing his head of the thoughts that were previously a weight on his shoulders when a knock came at his door causing him to stirr.

“Enter.”

He said bluntly, rising from the seat in anticipation. He knew who it would be from the sound of the spurs on the wood outside, therefore he refrained from asking. The door closed, and he shot a sympathetic smile at the man. 

“How is your nose?”

“Hurts like a bitch, Angie fixed it up real good though. That ca-whatever-the-heck staff works wonders I tell ya’.”

“I am aware, I apologise again for injuring you. It was not my intention.”

“No hard feelings, ain’t a problem.”

“Are you sure there is not a way I could make it up to you?”

“Nah, ain’t nothin’ specific I can think of. Though, I was plannin’ on headin’ to that bar nearby. Come with me if you wanna, not opposed to the company.”

“I shall most certainly consider it.”

He said, making eye contact with him for merely a second before he tore his eyes away nervously. It was almost comedic, the entire situation seemed like something out of one of those generic ‘fanfictions’ from years upon years ago, but alas this was more real than he would’ve liked.

“See ya’ at nine then?”

“Of course.”

With the slam of the door ringing in his ears for a few seconds he let out a stream of incoherent Japanese. At thirty-eight he really should know better, but that was most certainly not the case. He just had to hope he did nothing stupid, though it was certainly going to prove to be futile at the rate he was going.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonjour, Hola, whatever hello is in another generic language I should probably know. Sorry this update took so long, I've had major writers block and then holiday, the only time I got wifi was on my birthday and at that stage the chapter was like three lines. I hope you enjoyed yet another filler, I apologise again for taking so long and having so many fillers - however this story should start to kick off soon!   
> Updates should be taking a couple of weeks each now seeing as I'm back at school, but they should be coming out with better content especially now Hanzo is gonna go to a bar and probably get piss drunk, this is gonna be fun to write.  
> However, whilst I am here I just wanna slide in and say I've started to run a McHanzo discord server (and a Genyatta one) and would love to see some of you pop up because I honestly want to smother everyone who reads this fic in love. If you are interested, please join and just sorta slide in saying you came from Avoidance - I'll probably weep and say thanks a bunch but oh well lol.  
>  **  
> [High Tiddy™](https://discord.gg/MzVAd6M)  
>  **  
>  ****  
> [Transcend the Booty™](https://discord.gg/bkCAe4F)  
> 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took like a year to update this, school started and I'm drowning in homework now. Hope this makes up for it ;)

The next few hours were spent down in Winston’s lab, mostly attempting to help solve the issue that had nearly claimed his life. Aside from the quiet mumbling every so often, and the hum of the machines dotted around the room the silence was piercing. It was so similar to evenings back at home, his father gently tapping away and making deals whilst he sat in silence, occasionally trying to strike up a conversation until it deteriorated into nothingness.

In the end, he excused himself. It was still a sensitive topic and though it had been many years since he’d seen his father sometimes it all came rushing back. Even twenty years on, he would still flinch at the slightest touch if he wasn’t warned, even twenty years on he was afraid to show emotions. Maybe that was why he’d had such a hard time coming to terms with everything about himself, the absolute disgust on his father's face as he told him he was gay was enough for him to give in. And yet here he was, for once in his life letting himself be free in a bid to overcome it. Even something as simple as smiling was defiance, being open about who he was was just another step. 

Pausing for a second, he took a seat and brushed a stray strand of hair out of the way. The clock across the room read ten-to-nine and whilst he was tempted to cancel, he knew it would just make him feel worse. 

He always made sure not to drink too much, the feeling of losing control terrified him too much to justify the temporary bliss of it. Naively, he didn’t expect it to be any different now, having not had any liquor touch his lips in years he could probably get through the evening entirely sober if he tried hard enough.

A curt tip of the hat caused Hanzo to rise from his seat by the door and abandon his thoughts, and shooting the other man a gentle smile he pulled the door for him.

“Ladies first.”

He joked in a bid to lighten the mood, and the other man clutched at his heart with a slight smile.

“Ya words hurt me Shimada.” He began, before his eyes glinted with mischief. “So does ya fist now I think about it.”

“I apologised, what more do you want?”

He mumbled with a groan, his cheeks flushing briefly from embarrassment. So much for holding it together. A shrug from the cowboy left them wandering in silence, before his voice broke the silence only a few minutes later.

“What about a kiss?”

He mumbled, and a loud cough was Hanzo’s first reaction to the words.

“Pardon?”

“Ya heard me. What about a kiss?”

He allowed the words to hang in the air for a second before politely declining his offer. Accepting might lead to an awkward situation, and though he would love to he didn’t want to jeopardise their evening.

“I am afraid I will have to… decline your offer.”

He responded, a humph from the other man returning them to silence, though he noted that the lopsided grin that always seemed to be on his face was gone. Swinging the door to the bar open, his body tensed as the stench of alcohol and sweat filled his nostrils. A shiver ran down his spine, disgust causing his nose to wrinkle. Bars back in Hanamura were immaculate, those that were present were reserved, quiet and civilised instead of rowdy and irritating like the crowd there.

The pair soon seated themselves on a couple of stools, and whilst Hanzo only got some sake he noticed Jesse went directly for vodka, not even bothering to get something tamer. He was tempted to ask whether or not he was fine, though he knew the answer would be a forced yes and that would be the end of it. Sometimes he hated how well he knew the man, other times he silently appreciated it.

It was around ten when the pair began to get far more than just tipsy, the dim light of the bar setting the tone for the rest of the evening. Hanzo was silently cursing at himself, quite frustrated he wasn’t as sober as he would’ve liked. Jesse’s words became louder and more slurred, a hearty laugh escaping his lips at the drop of a hat. They’d retreated to a booth earlier in the evening, nearly tumbling over each other. He liked to think he was more controlled when under the influence, though he couldn’t be certain. The glow on his cheeks could easily be written off as the alcohol taking its toll instead of the man in front of him, and so on forth. Nobody ever had to know so long as he stayed in control, nobody ever had to know if he just held it together for a little longer.

He wasn’t quite sure how they’d get back, nor how they’d explain in the morning but frankly he wasn’t worried. There were no missions for another few days, more than enough time to recover.

At least from the hangover.

The next morning, he awoke to see the sun streaming through his window and let a gentle smile slip onto his face. He couldn’t remember the night before, but he could only assume he’d gotten back safely. Looking around for his ribbon, he spotted a few scratches up and down his arms. Taking a second to investigate, he could only see more, lovebites lining his neck and chest just to add insult to injury. And yet, no matter how hard he tried to remember he couldn’t.

Slipping out of his bed, he turned around with his lips pursed to see if his suspicions were to be confirmed, and much to his horror there lay the cowboy in a similar state to himself. Suppressing a yell of both horror and embarrassment, he found himself scuttling over to his immaculately organised wardrobe and  yanking out his kimono roughly in a bid to make himself decent before trying to think of a resolution for his… problem.

In retrospect, it probably wasn’t every day that you woke up with your coworker-turned-crush (was that even the right word to use at his age? He certainly didn’t know.) in bed next to you.

His head was pounding, his eye aching and though he was tempted to close the window he was unwilling to do so, his energy sapped from the evening before. Hearing a groan, his eyes darted to his bed where the cowboy was sat up glancing around the room.

“Good morning.”

He said monotonously, the pair of them wincing at the sound of his voice. Brushing a strand of hair out of his face, he remembered he lacked a ribbon to tie it back with. In retrospect he would probably have to hunt down Lena and ask if she had anything else he could use later, after of course asking Angela for some medications for the pair of them.

“Do ya remember what happened last night?”

The cowboy grumbled quietly, and Hanzo shook his head,

“I do not.” He responded curtly. “Do you?”

“...Nah. Ain’t able to remember a thing.”

A hum of frustration escaped his lips, and he bowed his head.

“I have a feeling you do, though I will not pry so long as you assure me it was nothing dangerous.”

“Define dangerous?”

“Anything criminal,  **_sexual_ ** , violent and so on forth. You are an adult, surely you are aware of what dangerous means.”

With a hum, Jesse bowed his head.

“Well I ain’t able to reassure ya on some of it, but if it helps ya sleep at night sure nothin’ happened.”

“What happened.”

He hissed, his eyes wide. Ignoring the throbbing of his head, he crossed his arms firmly over his chest. Jesse seemed to back away, it was evident he was considering the consequences of coming clean. 

“So we mighta diddled.”

“What on earth do you mean?”

“Banged?”

“English cowboy.”

He warned, growing impatient with his southern slang.

“Gotten some stankie on the hang down?”

“For the love of god just spit it out.”

“So we fucked.”

The few seconds it took for it to set in were silent, and Hanzo was fairly certain his face had turned red. Sure, he was seething in anger and completely embarrassed but all he could muster were a few quiet words.

“Get out.”

He hissed, his tone full of anger.

“Wh-”

“Get out of my room now.”

Watching the other man fumble for his clothes, he turned around and tried to busy himself, only to slam his eyes closed and force back the tears that were threatening to spill. Feeling a hand on his shoulder, he flinched away.

“I’m sorry Shimada I-”

“Please, just get out.”   
He mumbled, the words almost forced. With a humph, he heard the door slam closed and opened his eyes.

Alone at last.

If he wasn’t already beating himself up enough mentally over what he had done to Genji, the incident would only make it worse. The one night where he needed to keep control, he found himself unable to and left himself weak and vulnerable.

_ The pair pulled back, Jesse had a gentle grin on his face and he could feel one on his own face. _

_ “Ya ain’t gotta do anything you don’t wanna.” _

_ “I want this.”  _

_ He had mumbled with a slight slur and Jesse had hesitated for a second. _

_ “Not gonna regret it in the mornin’?” _

_ “No, I couldn’t.” _

The scene flashed before his eyes before he could register it, and he had to steady himself against the wall because of the sheer shock and impact of it. Not only had he given in, he had done it so easily (later, he would beat himself up for doing it without even going on a date) and with no consideration of the consequences.

Well, he wasn’t wrong when he realised he was fucked. Both literally and figuratively.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the end notes, these will probably end up being far too long for end notes yet again but oh well.  
> Thank you so much for 150 kudos is the first thing I really wanted to say, in comparison to a lot of other things it may not sound huge or astonishing but to me it means so much. Also thanks to all the people who comment such lovely things, y'all really motivate me to keep updating. A few days ago I got really upset and anxious over what everyone thought of my fics and trust me, you all really helped with all your lovely comments.  
> Next is the apology for not writing smut, I'm sorry! I just can't write smut because I am but a fetus, and I feel like I'd ruin my whole "this is gr8 for people who just don't want smut" thing. And also a really big long proper apology for not updating in so long, I suck at keeping update schedules and I just sorta keep drowning in homework which is super fun.  
> If you wanna drop by my McHanzo chat to have a chit chat and enthuse about these two gay old men feel free, just hit the link below and slide in. And I mean if my fic sent you just slide over to me and fire away with any ideas you may have, I have a few ideas for where this is gonna go but I really wanna implement any you all might have.  
>  ****  
> [High Tiddy™](https://discord.gg/MzVAd6M)  
>   
> 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> raku rolls in openly sobbing  
> "I'm sorry I'll make the next chapter gayer"  
> she whispers before rolling out

The next few days were spent in solitude, though the group training was still continuing the tension was so thick it could be sliced by a knife. He knew the cowboy well enough to know that he wouldn’t dare come near him, at least until one of them snapped. His heart yearned for his presence, no words needed to be spoken - he just needed the reassurance that he was covered.

Watching from a distance did nothing but make it worse, and internally he repeated the words ‘I’m sorry’ until they lost all meaning to him, the scene never ceasing to haunt him. The upcoming mission would be hell, all assumed that they would be fine together but he hardly had the heart to correct their assumptions. He could easily slip away into the darkness, he’d memorised enough maps of the base they were due to be raiding to know that he wouldn’t be missed.

However, even after his blatant ignorance of the apologetic looks being shot his way the cowboy never conceded and stopped in his tracks, if anything he got more persistent. Genji was the first to catch on, having taken note of their separation and expressed concern during one of his meditation sessions atop one of the watchpoints towers.

He’d been intending to have a night of silence, gazing out into the distance as the sun set leaving the sky a hue of eloquent oranges and reds though from the get go something had seemed off. It felt too quiet, and though the dragons keened under his skin begging for release he denied them such a thing reminding them that it wasn’t safe. They weren’t safe.

“Ameryuu, Ryutsuki, not now.”

He mumbled, reaching for his bow slowly. The only thing he could do was hope that it wasn’t an intruder, for nobody on the team was prepared to fight. Springing to his feet, arrow ready to be fired at his unsuspecting target, he was greeted by the all too familiar sight of Genji at the opposite end of his weapon reminding him of quite why he was here.

His reflection was short lived when Genji cocked his head, and he raised an eyebrow in confusion.

“What?”

“You know what.”

“...I do not..?”

He responded, though the uncertainty in his voice gave him away immediately. Hearing the almost robotic chuckle come from Genji, he stifled a groan and allowed him to continue.

“Fine, why are you ignoring your boyfriend? Did he not take well to-”

“It was nothing of the kind!”

He yelled, eyes widening as his voice echoed throughout the watchpoint and he lowered his bow in defeat. Exhaling in audible frustration, he humoured himself and fell silent in a bid to prevent Genji from prying any more into his love life. It was hardly something he was taught how to discuss back in the clan, the closest he’d gotten was being educated in seducing younger women to create the next generation of the clan.

“Then what was it?”

“I am under no obligation to elaborate upon my love life to you.”

“And yet here we are.”

Though he couldn’t see his face, he was well aware that Genji would’ve had a cheeky smile on his face, amused by how flustered he’d become.

“I made a mistake, and now I regret it. There is nothing more to it, the pair of us are adults and we can sort this accordingly. I don’t need you meddling, though I appreciate the thought.”

A curt nod put an end to the conversation, and left Hanzo alone for the evening though the sun had long since disappeared leaving him with a blank canvas in the sky. The constellations he was so used to mapping in the dark of night were above him, a dark reminder of what had once been. 

 

_ Drunkenly stumbling back to the base, tucked into Jesse’s side with a smile playing on his lips he pointed to the sky. It was a conversation without words, and the faint sound of music from a club down the street found him swaying in time with him as they struggled to put one foot in front of the other. _

_ He’d  made a remark about remembering the song, one of the older members of the gang used to hum it as they scouted out their next victims. Scrunching his nose in distaste, he let out a snort when he felt toes on his own. Sending Jesse into fits of laughter, he fought back a smile and quickly intertwined their hands. _

 

The next few days were much the same, train until exhausted, take brief breaks for meals and try to escape reality atop the tower in the evenings. It was repetitive but it did the job, distracting him from the hole in his heart which could only be filled by a dorky cowboy with a rugged serape and battered cowboy hat.

It was laughable, all of his life he had been told to find a woman both beautiful and smart to wed and over twenty years on he sat with a cowboy occupying his every thought with nothing to show for it. His father would’ve laughed, called him a fool and disowned him were he still there with them, and though he would hate to agree with him he would be right. He was a fool.

Ironically enough, avoidance seemed his only option. Even in the hangar preparing for the mission he actively avoided most besides shooting a brief smile at Hana who in her own special way had managed to grow on him.

The flight out of Gibraltar passed in the blink of an eye, and he silently thanked his lucky stars for that. The nervous glances most shot at each other all seemed to be aimed at him, they were depending on both McCree and himself to destroy the base safely. Innocents were at risk, and having seen what the war could do to them Hanzo aimed to save as many as he could whilst actively avoiding McCree.

That couldn’t be too hard, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gay? gay.  
> The next chapter's gonna be fun so hold tight and prepare yourselves!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the fastest ive typed a chapter please save me from this fate

The sun was setting as they began to make their way in, the countdown at forty seconds before it quite registered in his head. Staying together was their one goal, and for once in his life he was about to do his own thing. It felt riveting, his heart beating a mile a minute as he ran his hands over his bow a final time. 

It was hardly a complex mission, get the innocents out and blow it up were the instructions they’d been given and as Winston’s voice rang out telling them to move his instincts kicked in. Firing a sonic arrow without hesitation into the wall across from him, he was horrified by quite how many people were there.

The rest of the team was ahead of him, already he could hear gunshots as he slipped out into the rest of the  base. His footsteps were silent, the only sound was his laboured breathing as he got further and further. However, loud clunking caused him to throw himself against the wall in fear and the silhouette of a man caused his heart to skip a beat in fear. The spurs that clicked against the ground were the only telltale sign that he wasn’t about to meet his untimely end, instead ending up in a very different position.

Opening his eyes slightly, he saw the all too familiar peacekeeper barrel pointed straight at him and resigned himself. He  _ knew  _ Jesse, knew about his inability to cause harm to those closest to him and thus allowed himself to still. Seeing the barrel lower, he allowed his eyes to open fully and caught his gaze defiantly. He itched to grab his bow, if not just to reassure himself that he was safe but it remained on the ground beside him with a lone arrow having rolled across the floor.

“Hanzo?”

Came a concerned murmur, and he only nodded in confirmation. He was frozen firmly in place, though all of his senses screamed at him to run - to escape the inevitable confession he would find himself giving because he was weak. His mouth ran dry, no words could be forced out. The apology he had been so keen to deliver slipped his mind, and it took all his strength to prevent himself from burying himself in the other man’s arms yet again.

“Why aren’t you over in the east wing?”

He finally managed to hiss, though breaking eye contact briefly caused him to spot someone headed their way. They had time, and as he reached for his bow and arrows he prepared to move he only found himself cornered.

He’d never seen the cowboy look so sincere, so scared and nervous and his heart began to skip beats both in fear and anticipation. 

“I was lookin’ for ya. I just… I’m sorry ‘bout that whole incident, if that’s why ya keep avoidin’ me then I understand. But I ain’t about to make you uncomfortable with it all. If ya want me to forget, to ignore it ever happened so be it but please-”

“I did not want to take advantage of you.”

He whispered, head bowed in shame for this could go one of many ways. Though a part of him yearned for it to go well, for something to come of the feelings he had harboured in silence the other half wanted denial. A reason to exist in solitude, continue to spend his evenings hidden up a tower in utter bliss ignoring the sights that would flash before his eyes and leave his breathing laboured.

When he finally managed to return his gaze to the other man, he saw utter bewilderment in his eyes.

“Take advantage of me? Shimada I’ve been wantin’ that for a long time-”

Though he would’ve loved the conversation to continue, he found himself pulling the man into the corner and connected their lips in an instant. Immediately he felt alive, the hole in his heart disappearing as his hands clutched the fabric of his worn serape though his excitement was short lived as he heard the door rattle open and he opened an eye hesitantly. Spotting a Talon operative heading up to them, he let go of the serape that had once been clutched between his hands in anger. He was  _ not _ about to be interrupted by a damn murderer.

Flicking the peacekeeper out of the cowboy’s holster he let a gunshot ring out and Jesse’s eyes widened,  had he not been so occupied with Hanzo’s lips on his own he would probably have let out a sigh of relief. 

Pulling away gently, he quickly straightened up and felt a smug smile tug at his lips and allowed his hand to linger for just a second longer. They were both breathless, though he could see a grin on Jesse’s face from the dim light that filled the room.

“Whilst I would love to continue, we do have to demolish this place before someone catches us… again.”

A hearty laugh that warmed his heart rang out, and as the man retrieved his gun they abandoned their rendezvous for the task at hand. Immediately, they spotted a pair of stragglers and picked them off and though a pang of guilt hit him he knew it had to be done. It was a repetitive task as they fought their way through in a bid to catch up with the rest of the team though the time was growing closer. Ten minutes turned to five, and their walking turned to sprinting as they flung themselves through door after door taking the remaining operatives down as they did so.

“Agent McCree - where are you!”   
Winston’s voice rang out, concern lacing every word. Hanzo fell silent, though their footsteps began to speed up and the cowboy let his words out through strained breaths.

“Halfway back.”   
“Is Shimada with you?”

“Yes.”

“I-”

Neither were able to hear the final words, explosions beginning to chase them and in fear Hanzo found himself clutching Jesse’s hand and dragging him further down the dark corridors. The exit was before them though they were still surrounded by bombs even then, and breaking through the door it was a mad sprint to reach some kind of shelter. The aircraft was in the distance, and as they got out of the compound he spotted a barricade just big enough for them to hide behind. Tugging the other man behind him, he slammed his hands over his ears as Jesse mirrored much the same thing.

Shrapnel flew over their heads, glass and metal narrowly avoiding his own head as it landed before them. It grew quieter as the seconds turned to minutes though he still found himself too petrified to move much further than into the cowboy’s side. The adrenaline that had been pumping through his veins only moments prior seemed to have died down, and he shot a sympathetic glance at the other man who smiled reassuringly right back.

Explaining what happened to Winston was going to be fun, explaining to the team however was a whole other story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me @ self: you arent having it happen like this  
> also me @ self: well i mean they can make up whilst running from imminent death  
> me @ self: yeh sure sounds good my dude


	10. Chapter 10

Their walk of shame was filled with side glances and in the end Hanzo found himself gently intertwining their fingers to put his mind at ease, though Jesse hardly seemed to mind with a hum of content. They were stationed a few fields away, and though his com had been blown out during the explosion and he was well aware they would have to foot the bill though he knew they’d wait even with a lack of communication. Such soldiers were not the kind to go down to an explosion, though if they were to wander across the hill and help them carry the gear that had gotten increasingly heavy throughout the walk he wouldn’t complain.

“What are we?”

Came Jesse’s voice, slightly strained and he shot a look at him reassuringly.

“It depends, what would you like us to be?”

He was too far gone to deny it, the feeling in his heart was finally welcomed and openly encouraged to thrive as a multitude of thoughts hit him all at once. Though the anxiety about becoming unwanted, resented almost, remained and his view of affection was less than perfect - somehow a cowboy with a cheap belt buckle and faux cowboy hat managed to make him ignore that. He wasn’t afraid anymore, instead he allowed the smiles to come freely. His father had been wrong, emotions never made him weak - if anything they just allowed him to continue to thrive.

“Somethin’ more than this,” he began, using his free hand to gesture to the pair of them “Because whatever the heck we got goin’ on here, I ain’t sure what it is but I want more of it.”

“As do I.”

“In which case give up the mopin’, give up all of that and be mine.”

He murmured, though it was more of a question than anything. Hanzo was desperate to tell him he’d always been his, though he silently cursed himself for being so melodramatic - but instead opted to simply agree and get it over with.

“Happily.”

If he thought  the cowboy couldn’t smile any wider he was wrong - a grin firmly plastered on his face as his own lips twitched up into somewhat of a smile.  As they appeared before the aircraft, the looks of dismay, anger and finally peace passed over the team's faces, their hands falling to their sides before anyone could notice. The rain that was beginning to fall from the sky disrupted the reunion and though the pair insisted they were fine they were still ushered to a quiet corner of the aircraft by Angela of whom shot them both sympathetic looks.

Gently she began to poke and prod, examining them carefully as if she was scared they were going to break. Jesse was first, and though at first he resisted he soon resigned himself to his fate. It was a different story for Hanzo of whom was unwilling to let her lay her hands on him, such intimacy was reserved for nobody and nothing at all.

“I assure you Angela, I am fine.”

“Then allow me to do a check up, it is protocol after all.”

Shifting uncomfortably in his seat, he tensed as her hands traced along his skin and past his tattoo where the dragons began to squirm. They knew, they knew what had gone on and why he just wanted her hands off him. His skin was crawling, and his throat ran dry but he couldn’t form the words to tell her to stop touching him.

He wasn’t quite sure whether the dragon's appearance caused him to jolt forwards, or vice versa though clear as day the two dragons were before him clawing her hands off of him in anger. Whilst his liberation caused instant gratification he feared they would do damage, watching the doctor back away as they swarmed before her. It was laughable, nobody was sure whether to glare at Hanzo or the dragons though profuse apologies left his lips as he looked down in shame.

The hand that gripped his reassuringly made it just that bit better though, and he found the dragons retreating before Angela retired to find Winston and Lena. Nobody knew any better, though he could only hope that they realised he tried to contain them. It was one of the flaws about having them embedded so deep in you, even if you tried to fight them back if you felt you were in danger they would always prevail. 

A stray hair fell before his face, and he silently tried to calm himself though somehow he could only focus on the hand in his. It dawned on him that Jesse had no idea what had gone on, though to reveal it to him would be giving him more power than he knew what to do with. Silently mulling over the memories had become a coping strategy and he did just that in a bid to steady himself, regain the cold facade that had melted away in the face of danger.

The flight passed in an instant, though Jesse never stopped reassuring him that it was ok. He knew Genji would come to ask him if he was ok, and with the wall threatening to rebuild he would turn him away - it was always the way it had worked.

Gibraltar was sunny when they landed, though a multitude of oranges and peaches painting the sky only drew a sigh out of him. The walk back to the debriefing was dull, the only sound being the click of spurs and heels respectively, his own footsteps silent even upon the concrete floor. He spotted the few that had remained at base awaiting their arrival though his eyes lingered on Genji for just a little too long, prompting him to cock his head quizzically.

Being ushered into the room, the last he saw of Gibraltar was the sun setting in the distance, clouds painting the place almost like a picture. Preparing himself for the inevitable storm about to come, he let out a laboured sigh and seated himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok this is a really short filler chapter, but there should be a new chapter coming out super duper fast when I decide what on earth is gonna happen. Thank you again to everyone sticking around to leave, leaving kudos and commenting. I appreciate it all so much, every email I get warms my heart <3


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk this is mostly vent writing pls ignore me

As expected, their mistake did not go unnoticed and as soon as Winston ambled in his eyes were on them. It was bound to be addressed, and though he was uncertain as to how to approach it he could only hope Jesse would find a way. Shooting him a sympathetic look, Angela quickly disappeared out the room and he could only assume she was going to treat those that had managed to injure themselves in the mission – it was quite the incredible feat considering how simple the mission had been.

The silence hung over them for a few more minutes whilst those that didn’t fly out with them filed into the room – Genji seating himself before him causing him to internalize a grimace. Pushing his glasses further up his nose, the silence broke and his thoughts stopped in their tracks.

“As you all know our recent mission was a success, we managed to gather some information about the Reaper whilst we were there that is currently being decrypted elsewhere. It may provide us with enough insight to at least detain him to prevent Talon from launching any attacks. However, I do have to bring to light the endangerment of civilian lives in doing so, and whilst we succeeded in evacuating everyone we did nearly lose Agent Hanzo and Agent McCree.”

All eyes immediately turned to them, and though he tried to ignore it the reassuring hand that found his was the only thing that grounded him. Expectantly he was watched, some eyes filled with sympathy whilst others filled with sheer curiosity and he cleared his throat and began to speak.

“I thought I heard a child, so I returned to the wing to check and see if that was the case. Whilst it turned out that there was not a child, when Agent McCree showed up a Talon agent followed and caught us off guard.”

A nod of acknowledgement reassured him, and he gave himself piece of mind by ignoring the looming possibility of being interrogated by Genji of his whereabouts prior the explosion. It had always been that way, ever since he took it upon himself to join Overwatch the boundaries and walls he had put up had been pushed by Genji slowly but surely. Initially he had been opposed to it, though as it became a more consistent thing in his life his scorn and distaste had morphed into anticipation and something that could even classified as some kind of joy.

The rest of the meeting and debriefing went by without a hitch, though almost too fast for his liking and many details were skimmed over or blatantly ignored much to his distaste. Their dismissal came soon after the self-proclaimed “Junkers” explained quite how the explosions nearly took down a barn of pigs, though Roadhog’s explanation was merely a grunt that he later learnt was of sympathy.

Soon enough the evening drew to a close, and most retired to their respective rooms (Though he noted that Angela quickly slipped into Fareeha’s when she thought nobody was looking, Mei and 76 however remained in their respective offices) himself included. His legs ached, his body screamed at him for pushing it as far as he had though he ignored it and instead opted to return to practice the next morning. There was no time for rest, nor time to allow himself to slip behind. Closing his eyes for what he hoped would be the final time, he allowed sleep to overwhelm him once again. Luck was not on his side however, and memories flashed before his eyes before he could try to stop them.

_Blood._

_Blood ran through his fingers as he snapped out of his trance, bounding forward to Genji. He’d never looked so small, so helpless, so terrified of what may come. Yet even in the face of death, he managed to twist his mouth into a smile._

_“Do it,” he murmured, voice thick as he coughed up blood. “It won’t make dad love you any more than he does now.”_

_“You think this is about love!” He yelled in response, though he was fighting back emotions he could hardly name. “You know nothing!”_

_“Then go, if this isn’t about love go!”_

_Go he did, fleeing the grounds in the dark of night as the moon showed him one thing and one thing only. The blood on his hands, the blood that he knew he would never be rid of._

His body snapped up, and he slammed his hand over his mouth in a bid to prevent the scream of anguish that was about to escape. Tears were running down his face, and try as he would they wouldn’t stop. “ _Shimada’s don’t cry,”_ came his father’s voice though he shoved it into the back of his mind as he pulled himself up.

It wasn’t the first time he’d awoken in a cold sweat, crying over what had happened and he was certain it wouldn’t be the last though it was the first time he’d ever found himself moving of his own accord. It couldn’t have been too late; the base was silent besides the crackles as the lights came to life and he wandered down the corridor without a second thought. Clenching his hands into a fist, he gently knocked though his hand shook and his stoicism threatened to falter.

A shuffle caused him to rip his attention from the wood he’d been trying to find solace in, though he froze like a deer in the headlights when he was greeted by a glare – though it softened immediately when he saw how vulnerable he looked. Firm hands wrapped around him drawing him closer and he immediately buried his head in his chest and clung to the man before him.

He hated to seem needy, he hated to seem anything less than stoic and proud yet there he was crying into Jesse McCree’s chest in the middle of the night hoping that somehow the nightmare would end and his sleepless nights would disappear. Gentle hands guided him into the room and he heard the familiar click of the door behind him, his breaths desperate as he gasped for air to try and stop himself from drowning.

“Darlin’-“ came McCree’s words, his voice weary and laced with sleepiness as he rubbed circles in the small of his back gently. “Darlin’ please, what’s got ya shaken up like this?”

“Genji.” He murmured, his words choked out in a desperate bid to get him to _understand_ what he was saying. “I killed him, _I killed him._ ”

“You didn’t kill him, ain’t done nothin’ to him. Promise ya.”

Ripping his eyes away from Jesse’s, the floor was interesting enough to warrant his full attention though he found himself being pushed gently toward the bed that lay in the corner of the room. He could hardly object, his throat raw enough and his face streaked with tears. If asked later, he wouldn’t be able to tell anyone how the pair had ended up laying there with their limbs intertwined, his own head buried in the crook of the cowboy’s neck though it provided some kind of consolation as the night drew on.

As his breathing grew steady, and he drifted to sleep – he could almost swear that he heard the words “I love you” whispered in his ear, Jesse’s grip only growing tighter as a dreamless sleep overtook him. _“I love you too”_ he would later think to himself, berating himself for harbouring such feelings for as long as he had.

The next morning, he was humbled to see the cowboy still there, a dopey smile on his face and hair splayed wildly across it. The sight brought a slight smile to his own face and he let out a sigh of relief, their lips brushing lightly causing him to take a sharp intake of breath. He could hardly remember the evening before, though he immediately put it down to how sympathetic and caring Jesse had been and took a mental note to thank him profusely when they could finally form coherent sentences instead of saying all they needed to through tender kisses and tentative touches.

Somehow they’d managed to separate for long enough for Jesse to hastily pull on his uniform before muttering something about Hanzo having to do a walk of shame back to his room. Hauling himself from the bed, he slipped out the door before he could be missed.

Breakfast was a fairly quiet affair, though stolen glances across the mess hall made it bearable as he tried to focus on whatever Genji had been saying. It was an animated conversation, Hana contributing offhand comments much to their amusement and even Hanzo found himself joining in much to their amusement. The topics changed rapidly from the debriefing to a charity stream Hana was running, to which the rest of the group quickly joined in.

A sly hand snaked its way around his waist, though he pretended not to feel it as they enthused about the cause – something about omnic human equality – and of course watching Hana stream for twenty-four hours. It was undecided what game she would play, though immediately Genji interrupted suggesting a long list of games from years ago, earning a laugh and shrug from Hana though soon enough Lucio pulled him to one side to compliment his quote-on-quote “great video game taste” (though it was debateable, and soon enough the table found itself divided between those that didn’t know and those that didn’t care about it).

It felt like home, though he was reluctant to admit that was the case, and leaning closer to the cowboy beside him he looked fondly around the room. The amount of things that had blossomed from their common motive to save the world, and it warmed his heart that love could be found in even the most dire of situations.

Their joy was short lived however, when Angela silenced them with a light cough with a pile of papers in hand and tired eyes glancing them up and down.

“We found out who Reaper is.”

She began, and 76 perked up in an instant, evidently looking at her even through the visor.

“Who?”

Asked many, expecting somebody from Talon who could easily be uncovered though the answer only left them with more questions.

“Gabriel Reyes. It’s Gabe.”

In an instant the calm and anticipation dissipated, instead replaced by a silence that could only be described as expectant. The only sound that rang out was the sound of the pulse rifle clattering to the floor, sharp footsteps echoing throughout the base as the soldier disappeared – Ana hot on his heels.

The grip on his waist got tighter, and turning his head he noted that Jesse’s jaw was clenched, anger burning in his eyes.

_“Who taught you this?”_

_Asked Hanzo, his voice ringing out in the training room as Jesse holstered his peacekeeper with a lopsided grin._

_“Gabriel Reyes, my old mentor, picked my ass up off the street and turned me into somethin’ of a real soldier.”_

_“What happened to him?”_

_Was his next question, and he noted the fondness that he spoke with as if the man had passed on._

_“Gibraltar.”_

As if the war hadn’t been hard enough, now they were fighting against one of their own. It was an uphill battle even Hanzo wasn’t sure they could win.

* * *

 


	12. Chapter 12

In the days that followed Hanzo became certain he'd never seen Angela so distraught and though he was overwhelmed by the urge to console her he knew it was better not to. Instead he opted to watch from afar, though the burdens that rested solely on his own shoulders slowly began to overwhelm him. If he thought the rest of the team hadn't taken it well, Jesse took it to a whole new level. Distraught would be an understatement, devastation would be far more accurate.

He was angry, and though he still lit up when Hanzo was around it wasn’t the same. He felt himself being scrutinized, he knew that he was completely petrified though he still managed to maintain the lax cowboy facade. More than once he’d been awoken in the night only to see him missing from their bed (the arrangement had only started upon Hanzo’s insistence to help him) instead having disappeared into the kitchen, hands wrapped around a cup of coffee as if it were a lifeline.

If being in the clan had taught him anything, it was to shoulder responsibilities that weren’t his and of all the time he had spent doing so this was the first time he felt it was entirely necessary. He offered a shoulder to Jesse, held him slightly closer when the day drew to a close and the terror set in.

There was only one time he was coherent, and even then it was hardly. Between the gasps for breath as he tried to fight off the hysteria that threatened to take over, and the supportive hand Hanzo had offered him that would later become like a lifeline for the pair, he finally got somewhat of an elaboration.

“He was like a father to me. Now they’re gonna go, kill the only family I ever had. Call it a victory, congratulatin’ everyone and celebratin’ and-” By now Jesse was shaking, enraged by the mere concept of them celebrating his death again. The grip on his hand grew tighter, and he barely managed to tear his eyes from their intertwined fingers to lock eyes with him.“They left him to die a first time, now they’re gonna finish the job.”

Intertwining their fingers gently, he gently squeezed his hand thrice. He knew better than to interrupt him, instead waiting for him to continue with his tale.

“They got Amelie, made her murder Gerard and come right for us. Hell knows what happened to Gabe and if it's anythin’ like what happened to Amelie I don’t wanna know. He always saw Blackwatch as our weakness, go in through the place that never shoulda existed and nobody will believe you. Gabe, he tried to get ‘em to listen to us, fought tooth and nail. More than once he’d storm outta Jack’s office cursing him out in the most colourful language you can imagine.”

A short laugh left his lips, and a fond smile briefly disguised the tears that had long since spilt and Hanzo felt a pang of pain shoot through his heart for of all people that deserved to cry Jesse was not one of them. If he could’ve taken it all from him he would’ve in an instant, and he wished that for once Jesse wouldn’t be the one crying.

Hanzo couldn’t count on one hand how many times he’d seen Jesse weep in the last few days, whether out of anger or devastation he was unsure. Though he may have been one of the best minds Overwatch had to hand, it never left him immune to the battle with himself of which he had witnessed overwhelm him numerous times. Alas, he continued to plough through the tale as if he were reading from a book instead of recounting such travesties.

“He saved my life, told me to get outta there and run for the hills the day before the explosion. I didn’t know why, didn’t wanna know why. So I didn’t ask, just listened and kept runnin’. When it burnt to the ground the next day I knew, but it wasn’t him. He didn’t have the heart to do it even if the words were twisted to say so. To hear the guy I saw as a dad is still alive after all this time seems like I’m reopening old wounds and stuff, it doesn’t seem fair because it's not him. It’s not  _ him _ .”

The exasperation in his words showed through, his words clipped and sullen. They were hardly just words, instead they twisted into stories that only left him with more questions. Everything was offered to him, and whilst all of his cards were on the table Hanzo knew better than to comment on such a thing.

The rain that bounced off the roof filled the silence, though he couldn’t quite form a response. Taking a second to collect himself, he asked the first question to come to his mind.

“How do you know it was not him that did it?”

“He woulda never hurt Jack for nothin’! Everyone thinks Jack Morrison is dead, he probably thinks so too. If anyone hurt him he’d never let it go. Hated Talon, hated the UN because he knew what they were doin’ to him. SEP is the same, it all makes sense.”

He recognised such a feeling, deep down he would do much the same for Jesse. For a man he could only recognise from the dilapidated posters that lined the streets of Dorado, defaced by those that thought he was a brutal leader, it didn’t surprise him.

“Then why would he go and join the very people that hurt him?”

“Dunno, but he’s a smart man. Best mind they had, wouldn’t join them without a reason even after everythin’ they did to him. He knew he was smart, sentimental old fart would sometimes still join in with Fareeha and let her win and stuff - woulda made a great father. Jack, maybe not as much. Together though, they coulda managed.”

“Were they lovers?”

“More than that, probably sounds stupid but I’m pretty sure they were soulmates or somethin’. Didn’t come out till we were pretty close to the explosion, don’t think the UN liked that very much.”

“It would make sense. Especially if what you are saying is true.”

“Course it would. They were smart, knew they could use it as some kinda excuse. That ain’t even the worst of it, UN were in cahoots with Talon by the end of it. Make it look like Gabe corrupted Jack, make it look like he got Talon in there. But it was always the damn higher ups, funded Talon and gave em everything they damn well needed and more. Took my arm, took everythin’ from us.”

And then, like a whisper carried on the breeze coming through their window - he spoke again.

“They took my family. And I’ll be damned if they do it again.”

He wasn’t sure quite when Jesse pulled himself up and shuffled back to their room, though he remained in the dim light of the kitchen for a while longer. Hands wrapped around a glass, lips pressed together in a thin line he tried to let this new information set in yet somehow it didn’t sit right. How a supposed terrorist was actually the hero made no sense, and though he had no doubt in his mind Reyes may have been a good man Reaper didn’t seem that way to him.

He never shot more than necessary, never claimed more lives than he wanted to. He moved gracefully, got what he wanted and got out without any excessive measures. This in itself made him weary, Jesse’s insistence that he was a good man only pushed that. As he wandered down the hall to their room, he could only hope that they could retrieve him safely though that depended entirely on their team.

He quickly slipped back into their bed, and side by side once again he felt a hand tentatively lay on his waist to which he shuffled closer boldly. Soon enough, he heard the gentle sighs coming from the other man and a smile tugged at his lip. For the moment he allowed himself to think everything would be ok. Holding him slightly closer, he naively allowed the thoughts to lull him to sleep.

He awoke early, birdsong bringing him to his senses. The familiar feeling of Jesse’s arms wrapped around him put him at ease, though he quickly fell into thought. It was a deadly process, he was well aware it wasn’t healthy to constantly be mulling over such things yet he continued nonetheless.

They were due to go on a mission to retrieve Reaper, though if they were unable to do so safely they were assured that Angela would be able to subdue him until they could escape the area. Though warned that it could be a potentially lethal mission, Jesse agreed in a heartbeat to go along leaving Hanzo no choice but to do much the same. 76 had stepped up to the mark, but only if Ana was cleared to come along (Reinhardt being called upon to come as the final part of their team later) to which Winston let out a sigh and with a wave of his hand dismissed them. To their surprise however, Ana’s name appeared alongside 76’s shortly thereafter - simulations restarting though far more intensive and terrifying than ever before.

An AI had been let loose, fast and lethal - sending them to the ground. Even Jesse was unable to avoid it, though watching 76 fight it was captivating. He was the only one who had yet to give in, instead fighting it and predicting its every move almost as if he were dancing. Ana was fortunate, she was far enough back that aside from dodging shotgun bullets that sprayed her way she managed to avoid the wrath of it until the others had resigned themselves to their fate.

Hanzo wasn’t sure he wanted to know how the three of them knew it so well.

Yet even as he lay there that morning, not wanting to disturb Jesse having not seen him sleep properly for the last week he knew the fight would not be easily won. Their chances of retrieving such a notorious killer were slim, the chances of him making it back peacefully were even slimmer. Self preservation made him reluctant to travel with them at first, but the potential to give a sense of finality to the case urged him onwards.

They dressed quickly upon Jesse’s awakening, moving fast in a bid to avoid the possibility of remembering that in the days that may come one of them may not arrive home. Whilst the thought remained in the back of Hanzo’s mind consistently even as they ploughed their way through a final training session, he forced it away like many other thoughts that had plagued him. It had always been easier that way.

That day as the AI of a man who was comparable to the death he fought to help many avoid flitted before him with a faint hiss he did something out of character, instead opting to fire. He had nothing to lose, unlike many who had everything. His arrow curved through the air, causing the mist to scatter before reforming.

Another arrow, another hit. Smashing through the mask, it shattered half of it with a thud and with an ear piercing screech of resistance echoing throughout the arena he backed away. The helix rockets came next, his ears ringing as they caused both dust and the nanites to separate further. Springing up a nearby wall and pulling himself to his feet smoothly, he planted another arrow in the being’s head as Jesse dove forward and expended his clip firing into its back.

“Solidifying” was hardly a word to describe it, he was aware simulations were hardly the most accurate thing but they did their job - so as Angela managed to come forward and assist them it was rather odd. Ana had held back, though her faint instructions down the com line comforted him slightly.

The respawn provided little comfort, if anything it only brought dread to his mind. Whilst it felt like waking up, the blank spots it left were rather unpleasant. If he was to be quite honest with himself, he would rather have died long ago rather than have been returned to a world where he was forced to wage war against the dead men and the men that should be dead. Though if he were asked, he would immediately classify himself as a man that should be dead.

Silence fell across the group, having congregated around the “body” as it disappeared from sight. Hanzo slipped down the wall gracefully, though a ridge in the wall nicked his finger reminding him that they wouldn’t have the respawn out there. That if their strategy proved flawed, if they managed to get themselves cornered, it was the end. The booming voice of Winston rang through their com’s reminding them that they were due to travel to Dorado within the next hour, tearing him out of his thoughts and with a wistful sigh he retreated.

Jesse traveled close, hot on his heels though he slowed himself upon realising his stride had turned into a steady jog. No comforting hand intertwined between his own, no hand wrapped around his waist. Instead, an uncomfortable silence he knew not to break fell upon the pair as they paced towards the craft.

His bow was firmly gripped between his hand, though briefly the pair stopped by their quarters to retrieve its case - moreso out of habit than practicality as he imagined it would be laid lazily across whatever surface was available by the time they returned to Gibraltar. The flight itself was only due to be a few hours, and he was grateful for the accelerated rate of flight that would enable such a thing. Dwelling in such a place would only proceed to help him overthink such a thing, and though he prided himself on his stoicism at such times he was uncertain about whether or not he would be able to uphold such a facade.

Placing the box that held his weapon beneath his seat, he quickly seated himself - his lips pressed together uncomfortably as he tried to shake off the foreshadowing feeling that had crept up on him. Reinhardt had taken his place in the cockpit, and he knew it was merely a matter of time before they left for their destination. Whilst he had his tablet ready for writing up reports for prior missions, he allowed the words to evade him as they took off.

Ana retreated to the front of the aircraft before long, her rifle stowed overhead alongside an assortment of supplies whilst Jesse kept his peacekeeper holstered as he seated himself beside Hanzo. Tearing his eyes from the window, he shot a sympathetic smile at the other man of whom had rested a hand lightly on his knee as if to reassure him. It was not an unwelcome gesture, if anything it only grounded him (which he thought was ironic seeing as they were among the clouds, soaring through the air at rather ridiculous speeds).

The mission that first caught his eye was of course the one where the pair of them had nearly been blown up, and he silently laughed to himself about the irony. His fingers moved swiftly over the keys, though the words that came were less than smooth.

“You missed the part where you shot that dude, y’know…”

“I am well aware, it hardly seemed necessary though.”

“Dunno, feel like it could give Genji a laugh.”

“Why on earth would Genji be reading the mission report? He was not even there, and nothing directly regards him.”

“Gotta keep me in check somehow darlin’. Didn’t just expect him to let me run wild with you did you?”

“I was not aware he knew of our relationship to begin with.”

He murmured, letting out a hum of confusion. It had never been a hidden thing, though he always expected Genji to be one of the last to catch on. Even if he had caught on, he was surprised Jesse had not disappeared - Genji had a tendency to get overly defensive even if it did break through his bashful facade. 

One of his fondest memories (if it was even such an experience that could be remembered in such a way) of such a thing was when Hanzo was destined to meet his to-be wife. Their relationship had been deteriorating as of late, which he could later chart down to the clan elders input alongside his fathers, but as the door slammed open midway through their conversation to reveal a mortified Genji he fought to push back the laughter that fought to erupt from his lips for the first time in years. It almost felt as if he wasn’t being taught how to kill the one who had stood by him through everything and more.

Waving a hand gently, almost dismissively the boy had only proceeded to stalk forward and glare at the woman who was almost endeared by his protectiveness. Whilst his father had initially been angered by such defiance, when he saw how well it worked his anger turned to glee - for the pawn he was bound to get rid of later in his sadistic game had just given him even more chance of winning.

“It was kinda obvious, but that might just be me. Either way he ain’t mad, rather happy that you finally found someone.”

A fond chuckle escaped his lips, though he silenced it quickly, the mission laying long forgotten as he leant closer to Jesse. There was no call for anything beyond the contact, and the ragged serape soon lay around his shoulder much like Jesse’s arm. He could only assume this is what home felt like, and it worked wonders for his nerves.

He wasn’t entirely certain when Jesse fell asleep, though the gentle flap of his hat hitting the floor was enough to alert him to such a thing. Gently hooking it below his foot, he pushed it below his seat alongside his bow. Soon enough though, sleep overtook him and as they soared above the oceans where secrets lay to rest he finally resigned himself to his fate.

They were going to detain the man who held their answers, even if it meant only revealing more questions to them. The dragons lay to rest, though the word  _ “soon”  _ carried to his ears in a hushed tone.

A warning tone rang out throughout the craft, alerting him to their descent as the sun streamed through the windows. The clock that rested lopsidedly on the wall displayed the time in a blinding orange, showing it was hardly three in the afternoon - their arrival not too far away. Jesse arose rapidly upon being shaken, much to his own amusement. Retreating both his arm and latterly his serape, Hanzo reached down and popped the hat on his head before he could note its absence.

His bow came next, cold to the touch as he removed it from the box it lay in, his quiver coming next - arrows neatly organised and ever familiar.  Fingers ran wistfully over the worn leather that would later prove his only lifeline, though he threw it over a shoulder before long with a huff of impatience. 

Their timing was perfect, any later and the man would have been able to blend into the shadows ending their mission there. As they stepped off the plane, weapons in hand and death waiting beside them - his final thought before escaping safety was Genji.  _ He shall not suffer because of my failure. _

Of course 76 took the lead before long, Reinhardt following closely behind though Hanzo pulled himself up onto the rooftops - the cold air pleasant though he had no time to bask in it, instead opting to continue forward. Scouting out any potential enemies, he only spotted a couple of operatives who he quickly ended before flattening himself against a nearby wall. A murmured notification that they were not alone was all that went down the comline before he continued, faintly spotting the others as they began to separate.

They knew exactly where they were to meet, but the familiarity of Dorado and the group's extensive knowledge of how the man fought gave them the upper hand at least in his eyes. Slowing himself, he fell to a halt as did the rest of the group. They staggered themselves in a bid to prevent him getting away, yet the plan made him weary and he feared it may go awry.

Looking down from the buildings that loomed over the worn streets of Dorado, he awaited the beginning.

Faint gunshots echoed in the distance mere minutes later, though he hung back - refusing to disobey the orders to remain in position unless told otherwise. Ana however, scoped in and began to fire only stopping to throw a cylinder filled with a gold-tinted liquid through the air.

He wasn’t sure quite when the shotgun pellets sprayed behind his back, but diving out the way and pulling an arrow taught in his bowstring he fired the first arrow. It hit the man’s shoulder, earning a roar of anguish  before Reinhardt swung his hammer - easily dodged however as more bullets broke through them. 

Out of nowhere however, he disappeared into but a cloud of dust. It was ominous, and though Hanzo pulled himself up a nearby wall and back onto the rooftops it did nothing to prevent him from seeing Angela desperately begin firing at the beast. A strangled screech escaped her lips, and he dove forwards - nimble feet carrying him further and further.

However, as she revealed the device that could contain his fate he hesitated.

“See,” he began, words rasped and forced “I should be terrified. But I’m not.”

His statement hung in the air, and time stood still for a split second. Hanzo’s throat ran dry, though he spotted Jesse coming closer.  _ ‘Go’  _ he tried to say  _ ‘please go!’ _ he tried to scream. Yet no words came, the pair frozen in time as a dead man’s words returned.

“I know you Angela, and I know you simply cannot let people  _ die _ . I mean look at me, did you really think such a thing as your silly  _ nanites _ could save a dead man?”

Tracing a clawed hand gently over her chin, drawing blood that soon trickled down her pale skin - he let out a hum of approval. 

“Let me answer that for you,  _ they couldn’t. _ But it was worth it, because obviously you couldn’t just let us go. Now look, a group of misfits and freaks. And  _ you _ . Perfect little doctor Ziegler,” The smoke curled, billowing away from the mask that he tried to use to hide his fate. Clawed fingers twisting gentle shapes, a wall of smoke rising. “Yet her dark secret was right under our noses the entire time. So go on Ziegler, why don’t you tell our audience what you did?”

The wall that had started to grow only seconds ago smashed down alongside his hands, throwing him back with a thud. His body ached, though he still loaded an arrow into his bow and fired. The man noticed him, briskly marching forward and firing. Above, below, everywhere but at him. He hardly felt the final shot, square in the chest as he pulled himself away. Above the rooftops, above the monster that had haunted the group for years.

More bullets scattered the roof, his legs threatening to buckle from beneath him as they continued to hit him. Diving off the roof, clambering to the ground as he heard gunshots and a maniacal laugh. Though his wrist tried to best him, and pain seared through his body he continued to fire. A flash of red ripped his gaze away, and he hesitated.

The eloquent words that had been finely crafted to tell a tale that left him chilled to the bone still echoed in his ears - though they were interrupted by the harsh sound of boots on the shattered bricks below them. Spotting the shotguns land on the floor before returning to the man's hands he backed up slowly, disappearing into the shadows. However, his eyes wandered out of morbid curiosity though he was slightly reassured by the fact Angela had managed to escape, only 76 and Reaper remaining in the streets.

The first swing was by 76, the butt of his gun knocking the mask slightly off center before he ducked out of the way of a predictable punch. A kick to the shin proceeded to leave him still, though the way they fought reminded him of his sparring with Jesse. The pair knew each other inside out, each move was predictable. That was of course until 76 fell still, Reaper's hand gently reaching up to his own mask to reveal what remained of his face. Smoke continued to billow out from his mouth, though it grew thicker as time passed painting the area black.

“Are you waiting for an invitation  _ Jack _ or would you rather let her fuck us up more? Sure it wouldn’t take her too long with that caduceus.”

That was all it took for him to snap, the mask ripped off as his swipes and jabs became lethal. He wasn’t sure when rapid gunfire escaped the soldier’s pulse rifle, sending the man clad in black to the ground with a sharp thud and a grunt though he wasn’t sure he wanted to know. A swift kick to the side of his head caused him to fall silent, no matter how hard he tried the entirety of his body refused to dissolve into darkness.

His own hands were almost numb, their grip on his bow and latterly his nocked arrow tense. Firing was far too risky, though he would have loved to intervene he risked shooting 76 instead. Though as the man allowed his head to fall to the ground, mask lying forgotten on the cracked bricks illuminated only by the dim lights of the street - he waited.

He wasn’t entirely sure when 76 straddled him, catching something that looked remarkably similar to the nondescript package Angela had carried into their battle. Only able to assume it was the one way they could subdue him, the one way they could achieve the common goal they had gone to fight with - he watched, captivated.

“Hah… wouldn’t be the first time you’ve done this…”

Came Reaper’s words, bitter and laced with hatred, a final blow being delivered before the streets of Dorado fell silent once again.

He had always imagined 76 to be a man of the utmost integrity, yet seeing him sat there as he slung the man over his shoulders harshly only stopping to retrieve the god-awful mask he realised there had to be more to him than a soldier. Though his ties with the man may have been the cause, he was still allowing something to shine through his stoic facade. Ignoring the offers to help, even from Reinhardt of whom only arrived when it was far too late to help - he persevered.

Dropping back to assist Jesse of whom appeared to be limping, Angela flitted between the group desperately trying to heal the injuries they had sustained. The bullet wounds stung, blood steadily trickling down his chest but he pretended it wasn’t there - the rest of the team needed healing far more than him.

Whilst they came across more agents along the way, those that didn’t flee at the sight of one of their strongest warriors incapacitated were easily dealt with. His arrows easily hit its mark, taking down those that stood in their way. As they arrived back at the craft however, his bow was as predicted thrown loosely onto the table. 

He was still rather surprised the mission had been a success, having been rather pessimistic and expected them to come back with the bodies of their comrades this was one of the best case scenarios. Yet seeing such a lethal man behind bars, unable to move as they began to prepare for their departure - it provided no comfort. It certainly did not help him as he tried to ignore the stabbing pain, turning the blind eye to Angela as she wept bandaging his wound. He doubted that there were any words to make it better, such a delicate thing as time would be the only thing to help.

Time. The one fundamental reason they were there. Trying to extend others time, play god in a game of chess long since over. The more he learnt about the past of Overwatch, the more he was able to compare it to a game of chess. It was the only analogy he could think of to try and piece together such a thing, the reality far too complex to comprehend.

Blackwatch and Overwatch had always been on opposite sides since they’d separated Gabriel Reyes and Jack Morrison. Their strategy was flawed yet perfectly logical, the two kings were always bound to be stronger when together instead of apart. Soldiers turned into pawns, and their days were spent trying to outsmart each other as the UN watched on in glee.

The explosion however was like the end to their game of chess, instead hurling them into a full blown battle. King versus king, their hastily created peace treaty falling through causing what little they did have to fall apart. What better way to remove two useless soldiers that threaten their firm grip on the world from the equation than blame it on one and play the other like a fiddle until he became the hero. Tarnish their reputations beyond belief, so that if they were to survive such a thing there would be no bouncing back.

And now, long after the pawns had been cut out and pulled to the sidelines they came back. Tried to become the kings they once were, instead of such a trivial and disposable thing. It would always prove futile though, their time was up and they were living on borrowed time, borrowed life. The one thing they had once fought so hard to preserve.

Shaking himself from his thoughts, Hanzo took note of all the bandages that covered his torso. Relatively surprised that he hadn’t noticed such a thing, he continued to co-operate. The dragons remained calm however, far too scared by the recent combat to return. They had tried once before, persisting though a simple hissed instruction kept them at bay.

As the streets of Dorado began to fade away,  becoming nothing but a faint spot in his vision, he thanked Angela curtly trying to ignore the way her hands trembled under his touch. Ignorance had always been his bliss, providing comfort when acceptance never could. This was especially true when it came down to Genji, pretending he hadn’t been manipulated was better than accepting he had been played.

Jesse showed up next, leg bound tightly, and lacking a spur he suppressed a quiet chuckle. If they went missing he knew for a fact he would never hear the end of it, it had happened once before and the incident had lasted an entire week before he gave in and dug up another set.

However, he moved along as far as he could - allowing him to rest his leg across both the seat and himself. Gently adjusting his wrist, which was in a similar state to the other man's leg, he shot a sympathetic smile at him. Fingers interlaced, they remained that way until evening turned into night, and the sky turned dark.

A sharp jolt shook Hanzo from thought a few hours later, an uneventful journey had seemingly passed in an instant. Pulling himself up, he offered his forearm to Jesse of whom took it tiredly. Whilst many of the other members had neglected to remain around to assist them (though they could hardly be blamed, it was exuberantly early) the few that did remain were eager to help them move the man. It was hardly a long shot, the problem was rapidly solved and his armour and weapons were removed before he was placed into confinement (of which was a large glass room, viewable from all sides and angles. Rather intimidating to any inside, though to those outside it was hardly anything remotely scary).

Whilst it had been the plan all along, he had never expected it to come into play. The sight before him was saddening, once a strong man many respected lay helpless stuck almost as if he were Schrodingers cat himself. Upon Angela’s insistence however, the group were quickly shooed from the room so that she could see what had become.

Lying alongside Jesse that night, he aimlessly thought about their future and whether they were bound to follow the paths of their mentors. The ache of his side was almost like a warning, for if they were destined to become that way there would be so much more than easily healed bullet wounds to deal with. Feeling Jesse tense under his touch, he retracted his hands carefully. Whilst the physical side of things was easily fixed, the mental scars were destined to remain forever.

The next morning, they were summoned to the medbay, “elaborate on what you saw, what happened, what can happen” being the only instructions. It was rather unhelpful, he could hardly remember what he saw himself let alone recount such a thing to Winston. The temptation to wait for Jesse tugged at his heart, but he knew he could just lie his way out of it.

With a tongue of a snake and the lies ages old it couldn’t be too hard.

The first thing that caught his eye was the smoke, of which had grown far thicker than he imagined it could. Surrounding him, so much so that he could hardly see. Grateful for the glass, he persevered onwards until he spotted a trio.

“Where’s Agent McCree?”

Came Winston's tired voice, and he sympathised with the man. Clearing his throat hastily, he tried to avoid Genji’s eyes on him.

“He was not awake, I did not want to disturb him.”

A whistle came from Genji, robotic yet still ever familiar and he shot a scowl in his direction. Trust his brother of whom at thirty-five would still make everything he said a trivial innuendo to do just that at a time like that. A dismissive nod left him to wander around, eyes looking for any gap in the smoke. It didn’t take long to find one, movement behind it.

76 arrived as the clock struck ten, McCree hot on his heels as he grunted an excuse towards the scientist and shuffled over to the glass. By now the smog had began to thin, unsurprising having had a rather in-depth talk with Angela about the science behind it - though her words had been rushed and curt.

A bang shook him from his observation, tearing his eyes from the ever-fascinating mug in his hands he spotted only a fist colliding with the glass before the vigilante. In turn he hardly moved, locked in a non-verbalised battle with their pasts as the guns. The fist persisted however, returning to the glass until a hole opened up - words coming from his lips almost proudly.

“There’s no respawn here…” The man began, a smirk spreading onto his lips almost playfully. “What a shame.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woah I updated  
> Ok but this is 5k words of random stuff (5.5k if I'm really trying) so I'm trying I promise!  
> Anyway, good news is I'm rewriting up to this chapter when the book is finished! So those damn plot holes will be gone soon enough!  
> Wanna come scream at me for this update? Just hit this link and ping the purple screaming banshee. https://discord.gg/RNWWB4n


	13. Chapter 13

The sudden smash of his hand through the glass caused shards of glass to skid across the floor, catching the light and latterly his eyes. Though the words rang in his head, it served as a grim reminder that this minute could be their last. Genji backed away, joined by another, and he could only assume they were ushering others to safety. He wanted to leave with them, moving to pull himself to his feet, but a firm hand on his shoulder kept him in place. He knew why the cowboy may want him to stay, yet he couldn’t shake the feeling of intrusion.

Angela was the first to intervene, stepping towards the glass gingerly and letting out a barely audible sigh. Her eyes slipped closed, as if she was afraid to look at who, or more what she had created. In turn Reyes’ lips curled back into a snarl when she rested her hand against the thin barrier holding him back, and though she had clearly provoked some kind of reaction somehow he was resisting the urge to fight. He had seen the man in action, able to slip through the smallest gap, and why he didn’t just escape left him utterly confused.

“Why do you want to hurt us Gabriel,” she murmured, the words catching him off guard. “We didn’t do anything.”

“Does this look like nothing?”

He whispered, voice hoarse and words laced with desperation. A stumbled apology began, and she blinked back the tears that formed at the corner of her eyes. Yet nobody made a move to comfort her, the fight playing out before their eyes like a film, nobody able to change the story, nobody able to save the grief that was evident.

“I didn’t know the nanites would do that-”

“You knew from the last man you tried it on that it was lethal, but even he was more alive when you murdered him. What business did you have going to bring a dead man back, why didn’t you just let me stay dead?”

“You were my friend- I didn’t want to lose you.”

She mumbled, her words choked. A wistful look passed over her eyes, pained almost. Faced by the horror that evaded her for years, he sympathised. It was much the same as Genji in many ways, the truth hidden in plain sight for years upon years almost as if it were desperate to be found.

“So you decided that experimenting on me was right? Decided turning me into this was better than letting me stay dead? Because I was dead, I’m still dead, my soul and your nanites don’t constitute a life.”

“It was all I could do! Everything else was destroyed, you were fading. I didn’t know… I didn’t know what I was doing. I was so scared-”

Breath catching in her throat, nobody spoke a word. Only the soft crackle of nanites filled the room, until a voice broke the silence. It was rough, weathered, pained. Then again, he had not once expected their reunion to be as simple as kiss and make up, if they were to make up at all.

“Why did you give up and concede if you were just going to fight with us.”

“I wanted answers.”

“Why come to us then, didn’t you get enough from the higher ups?”

“They were dead as soon as they got wind of my presence, I never had a chance.”

“What do you mean they were dead,” came the vigilantes voice, slightly quieter, the confidence missing and leaving it seeming hollow. “We heard you killed them.”

And that’s when a laugh, a genuine laugh no longer laced with malicious intent, rang out. It startled most in the room, Jack being the only one to remain still. Familiar even to Hanzo of whom had heard it on the old recordings buried under layer after layer of protection, where Gabriel Reyes was alive and thriving instead of a cynic, a symbol of loves lost and lives forever twisted beyond recognition. Tears began to brim in the man's eyes, the first time emotion had battered down his walls, and with a sad smile he began to speak once again.

“Morrison, they had families. They had chances in this world, they had everything that was ripped away from me, from us. Do you really take me for such a sadist?”

Though, when a response refused to leave the other man's lips, he sighed and continued.

“I’m not. I just want to know why I’m this way,  _ how _ I’m this way. It’s not my fault the UN would rather take it all to the grave with them.”

Pinching the bridge of his nose (or more where it would have been had the mask not stood in his way, the red light from the visor glowing softly against his hand), a huff escaped his lips. The clock ticked quietly, only adding to the tension in the room and it seemed almost as if time had stopped. He hoped it had. After a brief moment of consideration, the vigilante turned on his heel and began to walk away, albeit not getting far before hesitating with his hand hovering over the door. Watching through the cell, Hanzo waited in anticipation for someone to stop him but most had left in time. Aside from Jesse and himself, Angela and Ana were the only ones to remain, watching in silence.

“I know you don’t like what you’re hearing, but it doesn’t really help if you just storm off.”

Came the wraiths voice, intertwining what remained of his hands nervously. The smoke was thinner, and for a second he entertained the notion that perhaps it wasn’t as bad as they had all previously thought. Turning to face him, the vigilante spoke once more.

“What am I meant to do? Nod and pretend I know what you do?”

“I can tell you everything, just say the word.”

“So you’re just helping us now? What changed.”

“Nothing, just realised that all this information I have is useless without some help. Might as well get it over and done with before they figure out what went wrong and come get me.”

“Tell me then. Tell us everything that went wrong, and we can try to help you.”

The reply was desperate and he was taken aback by how tired he sounded. Then again, it wasn’t unexplained, hushed words whispered throughout the day had told him that the pair had sat in silence for most of the evening. His own heart ached for them, and whilst reconciliation would take time he hoped something would come of it.

A sigh broke the silence, and he shifted in his own seat. Watching, waiting for answers.

“It all started when the crisis ended. After that, we were useless to the UN - we’d served our purpose and that was that. They found us jobs to do, but since we lost our grip on the world they needed new. They needed someone who could captivate generations, someone who’s smile could change the world. Who better than the golden boy?

They took you, changed you into their puppet, and put you in charge. Blackwatch was there to do what we had done before, carry everything and get our jobs done. Whilst we went undercover, travelled to places where they could easily throw us under the bus were we to be caught, you led children out by the hand and gave speeches and got the world to love you.  _ Everyone _ loved you Morrison, and you inspired everyone. Would have been a good thing had they not planned on abusing just that.

I first heard about it in Oasis, something about trying to start an uprising. Rip us apart from the inside out. We finished the mission, but it stuck in the back of my head so I began to dig. The further I went the more I found out, and I warned you. Told you about the corruption, the moles passing information on in a bid to kick off the next Omnic Crisis. Because the UN  _ needed _ power, needed their chance to change the world to fit the mould they had crafted over the years.

You ignored when I began to disappear for the most part until it began to come to light that we were - to their knowledge - pursuing something more than a friendship. I was angry for a long time after the explosion about that, but you were manipulated, and time is always the best healer. Regardless, when those articles were leaked, and the media went into a frenzy, the world lost a lot of faith in us. 

Then Blackwatch was revealed, and it all went to hell. They were putting all their cards on the table to surround us with enough shit that even if we did survive, we’d have nothing. Our names were dragged through enough, nobody would believe us. They offered to investigate on their own,  and you begged me to tell you what the fuck went down. I couldn’t, but now I can. That guy you demanded to know about? Assassinated weeks after he came forward about activity in the Russian omnium, about our involvement in it. By who? Fucking me. The squad that went missing? Taken down by an explosion that was set up by us. We were forced to become the very thing they wanted us to combat. They were great at sending people in the dark of night to get rid of their problems, and I always seemed to be the one they went for. Maybe they wanted me to get caught, maybe they wanted you to find out what I was doing and ask so their plan would seem more realistic. Going for a commander gone rogue, what a fucking hero! I regret it more and more as time goes on, because had you caught me and forced me to answer we could have gotten away. 

Had I told you however, they would’ve killed me on the spot. No chance to save anyone else. That’s why I never told you upfront, if there was a chance I would’ve done it in a heartbeat.

That’s why I sent Jesse away, I knew it was about to go bang when they realised I had gotten rid of their moles and they had Blackwatch and our relationship as their excuse. The whispers down the “secure” lines only told more, I saw them planting the last parts of their plan and counting the last of their pawns, preparing to cut their losses. Had I called them out on it, it would have happened immediately. So I worked slowly, dismissed many of the best in the hopes they could find answers. Told them what I could, offered no reason for their dismissal. It was cruel, but then again so was the game we played.

When we parted ways that morning I knew what was coming, I tried to warn you yet you charted it down to stress. You never listened to me, too far gone to their games to care about anything other than what they said, so I took matters into my own hands. The moment that building went silent I was out, it took another few minutes for anyone else to realise what was going on but they knew the moment that my wing fell to the ground that it was going to burn. That we were all going to burn.

They all assumed I was dead, and went on. Somehow, Blackwatch escaped without casualties. Most of them are still out there, they’ve moved on. They’ve lived their lives to the fullest, saved others, become the heroes they were always meant to be. And I’ve never been more proud.

The meeting you were due to be attending was a setup, and I’m lucky they were so thorough with their cover because it gave me a chance to get through due to their naivety. Door unlocked, ‘waiting’ for the panel to arrive. For the people that hailed us the most intelligent people in the world, they underestimated us. There was another right underneath you, storage room locked away from prying eyes. You managed to get halfway out the building somehow, probably down to that luck you’ve had for god knows how long, and you’re lucky you avoided the blast just like you’re lucky you got out at all. All I remember from then on is that one second I was stood in front of you, the next I was throwing us to the ground. 

Because even after they’d burnt our bridges, I still cared. Even if you didn’t, even if you don’t, I wasn’t about to let them destroy you. Call me naive, but you had the chance to make more change than I ever could. 

Next thing I knew I woke up strapped to a table, unable to feel anything aside from what  _ she _ did to me. I felt every bit of it, from the moment I last had the ability to hold myself together, to the moment I fell apart. I played dead, refused to move, but when night came, I ran. I ran and snapped. Being unable to keep yourself solid, feeling everything and anything, watching your body disappear into the shadows, it haunts me.

Yet going crazy at least let me forget it, though the amount of people I took down by accident in just that time is stuck in my head. I can still remember every detail of that. It wasn’t  _ fair _ , they took away everything. They took away everyone’s forever.

I was angry, angry at the world. Angry at myself for not doing enough. But more than anything else I was utterly devastated having heard news that you had passed. It felt as if it was all for nothing, and when I was approached by Talon I offered them what I did have in return for stability, answers to my questions. It didn’t bring you back, but it kept me sane for just a little while.

When they locked me in medical facilities, memorised me from the inside out and began to question how I’d become that way, I never answered. What was I meant to say? They asked where I’d be if she hadn’t found me, questioned why I wasn’t grateful. Then again what had I got to be grateful for, your doctor took my clean death and threw it away.

So I began to go on ops, take out the evil I could, whilst figuring out how to sink them. I pretended I didn’t know the UN set them up, and in return they never asked about who I was or why I was searching for the answers they already had, why I was asking questions about things I should never have known about to begin with. It was fun at first, finally getting back at them for ripping my entire world apart, but minutes dragged into hours, hours to days, days to years and before I knew it playing the reaper lost all appeal.

I got the recall. I knew you were coming back and somewhere deep down I began to hope that maybe there’d be a way you could help me. Maybe you could get me out of there, maybe you could make me normal. I waited and waited, and I watched as you all returned. Some under aliases, others under hefty bounties that will never cease to amaze me. But now you’ve found me you’ve unleashed another problem. The serum you messed around with has broken something, I can’t do anything. So really, you either need to fix me or I go back to the people that learnt how to.

I mean it’s not like I’ll be missed back there, but they’re going to figure it out before long unless something changes and they have all of what we had to begin with and more. So fix me, or I go back so they can. I’ll sink them alone if I have to, but for once I’d like to be listened to in this shitstorm of an organisation. There’s no other way. I can’t be trapped like this if you want my help.”

Gabriel Reyes was not a happy man, he brought his fears and concerns to the table and left them knowing they would contribute to his ends. Surviving was a loose, loose way to describe how he lived towards the end, for even his love for the golden boy he so proudly stood by wasn’t enough. Grueling missions did nothing, and though self preservation was a taught skill he quickly unlearnt it in its entirety upon his realisation that if the theories were true there were innocent people who deserved life far more than him.

No words were spoken, but the thoughts that clouded Jesse’s face were enough, and he reached out to intertwine their fingers. Anything more would have been ridiculous, and he by no means intended to drive him away at such a time. A gentle squeeze reassured him however, and he returned it thrice to speak the words “I love you” in an unmistakable language.

A quiet voice soon filled the silence, and thus it began.

“What do you mean we’ve broken something?”

Came Ziegler's voice, and at the sight of her hand reaching towards the door that separated them he reeled back.

“I mean you’ve broken  _ me _ . I can’t shift, otherwise I would have been gone a while ago.” A raised eyebrow from Ana caused him to let out a muffled snort. “You really think that was just for show? Contrary to popular belief I don’t enjoy being caged like an animal.”

“That can’t be true, unless-”

“What have you done Ziegler?”

Morrison was the next to chime in, irritation and impatience evident.

“The serum we administered was meant to shut down the nanites temporarily, I must have overlooked quite how dependant what does remain of your body has become on them. It is possible that they’re beginning to fight against you for lack of a better elaboration, albeit they’re running extremely efficiently, probably on only a quarter of what they should be.”

“Question;” came Reyes’ voice, cutting her off. “How did you overlook such a huge factor? It’s not like you  _ knew _ when you made me this way or anything seeing as you created the damn things.”

“It shouldn’t have affected it. Nobody has ever had them integrated them so far into their body they refuse to turn off and instead turn on the host.”

“Did it not even cross your mind?”

“As I said, it’s never happened before. It wasn’t exactly one of my priorities, I was just told to figure out how to subdue you long enough to return to base.”

An unintelligible grumble escaped his lips, though he recognised some faint spanish thrown into the midst. The rest however left little to the imagination, and he could understand the frustration that seeped through the carefully crafted facade he maintained.

“Can you fix it, or am I wasting my time?”

“Short of attempting to heal you myself so they dispel, which may not even work, no. If you’re willing to try it though-”

“Why should I trust you?”

“It’s your final chance Gabriel.”

Running a hand along his jaw, eyes scanning the room seemingly desperately, Hanzo’s breath caught in his throat. The grip the cowboy had on his own hand only tightened, and glancing over at him he saw him in much the same state. Having seen, having  _ heard _ how close the pair were, it was unsurprising, and whilst his heart told him to take the man far, far away from such a sight, his mind disregarded it.

“And what would happen if I didn’t take it?”

“A week. You’d have a week, maybe two before your body is no longer salvageable.”

“So its death either way. How history repeats itself,” And with a bitter laugh, he ploughed on. “If it gets me out of here, then I might as well take it.”

Many looked on with perplexed looks, confused as to why they had offered to assist the man they had been working against for the most part of five years. He too was amongst that group, but what left him more confused was why he had accepted it and told them all there was to know about the darkest corners of both Overwatch and Talon. Whether or not he had a plan to sabotage them from the inside was a mystery, and whilst his words had been genuine his motives appeared to be anything but. Then again, after all they had been through he could only hope one of them would find it was. There was enough war, enough fear, and enough betrayal to last a lifetime, and the last thing they needed was more.

Hanzo hardly focused as they skimmed over details, though the science itself was fascinating he could only think of all the ways it could go wrong. Morrison appeared wistful, reluctant almost, and he could tell the feelings remained mutual - the fact stung more than anything forcing him to turn away to a sight arguably more painful than the last. 

He had never seen Jesse so utterly conflicted, his body tense as he remained still. Gently, the archer began to try to guide him away, and whilst he initially assumed it would never work when the man complied he let out an all-but-silent sigh of relief. As they slowly began to move away from the scene, away from the memories and away from their ghosts the cowboy began to speak.

“He never told me. Jack shit. After all the years I thought I knew him, I would’ve thought he’d have mentioned it. I knew some of those snakes, thought they were legit right up till the last minute. Put me at risk, and look how it fucking played out!”

He didn’t try to silence himself, nor did he make an effort to be discreet, and whilst it may not have been optimal Hanzo knew it had to happen. To have one you had previously lost return with just as many secrets was a tragedy in itself, but to learn that much could have been prevented had they done a certain something different stung in a whole other way.

“He tried to do what was right, it was - it  _ is _ \- evident he cares for you deeply. I think he wanted you to make it out alive, not in a coffin travelling to rest like him.”

“Darlin’ you got it all wrong. He was a genius, knew it all. He could outsmart the smartest and then some. I think there’s a reason he let himself be played, and whether it had something to do with Morrison is beyond me. To put me on the line too? He had a reason. He had to have had a reason because unless he lied to me for fuck knows how long I ain’t buying it that he just cut his losses, kicked me the fuck out and let it continue.”

“Then it should be looked into. I am sure that when Angela manages to fix the issues we can ask him about it, and based off of today I feel he will probably indulge you when it comes to your questions.”

“What am I meant to do if he doesn’t though, just shut up and let it fester? I only just started to get over it, over all of it and now he’s marched back in and told us this. If Angie ever manages to fix him I’m gonna kill the bastard.”

Passing by Hana, Lucio, and the rest of the group that had gathered in the mess hall, he noted their curious looks - almost begging him for answers without a single word. He shook his head, and hoped they could understand. At this stage, his only priority was making sure that both Jesse and latterly Genji were coping with the revelations alright. Genji may not have been the closest with the man, but having heard only the highest praises for his commander he knew there must be something there. They could both provide other outlooks, and thus Hanzo Shimada found himself trying to hold the world together yet again, at least until they could gather the answers they needed.

“I would advise you to give it time, but his appearance was so terribly timed I doubt that would be viable. However,” he said, with baited breath. “I am sure that whilst we await his recovery we can try to piece the rest of it together. It may lead to us guaranteeing certain answers at least.”

Upon their arrival at one of the common rooms, he welcomed the embrace that came, rubbing reassuring circles in the other man's back. Though soldiers rarely wept, he knew that they were different, and as he felt his shoulder grow damp he pulled him closer. The truth was hard to protect a man from, but he would willingly die trying to do so. He remained silent, the dragons let out muffled cries at the sight, and as sobs racked the other man's body he began to whisper promises he could only hope to keep. A promise of his heart was the first that came, the promise of forever however took its time.

As the evening drew to a close they ended up where they began, nestled close to each other pretending they weren’t painfully aware of the sounds of chains and glass falling to the ground. Overwatch had many secrets, and as the shrill screeches of pain haunted the empty corridors Hanzo found himself certain that he would prefer to never discover another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the two month hiatus im terrible i know  
> im not super happy with this chapter, but who likes writing pshhhhh  
> anyway hopefully updates become more frequent and thank you so much for all the support <3


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. I still exist. I'll explain my hiatus in the end notes.

The chains clatter through the night.

Repeatedly they return to the ground, slamming back and forth in perfect time with the horrendous screams he hears. Jesse wakes thrice just within the first hour, barely able to drift off before once more he’s thrust back into the nightmare like nothing before. He tries to reassure him, good god he tries his best even if he’s never been good with words, yet to no avail.

Instead, hysterics are all he can hear, though he rarely sees the other man cry he knows for a fact that he can’t possibly save him from this demon. The very person he spoke so highly of, paid only his highest respects to, he’d slipped through his fingers and turned into someone so fueled by hate that he couldn’t tell where he stopped and Reaper began. It’s haunting. So much so that eventually they give up trying to sleep, and whilst initially the embrace is hesitant eventually Jesse drags him closer and holds him like he’s dying.

His shirt is drawn tight across his back, fists curled into the fabric removing most of the leeway from it, but he doesn’t mind. Draws a hand gently through his hair, and when all is said and done the man does seem to soften slightly. Calmer, even if he’s buried half beneath the sheets, streaks on his face from where the tears had come and gone.

He wishes so desperately that he could give him some liberation, yet the words can never come. He’s never been good with these things, figuring out where they stood was hard enough, yet this presented a whole new challenge. Trying to get him through the night, to ignore the hurried calls of Angela and Ana as they rushed up and down the halls calling for this and that. To try and cure him, return him to the man he once was - honourable and worthy of a presence to Jesse’s side.

It’s not often that he doubts the integrity of such people, yet as he lies there hearing the ghosts of everything before them through the paper-thin walls he sighs. Wholeheartedly, his heart feeling emptier than it has in quite a while, the presence of such an ache is haunting to the highest degree.

Nobody gets much sleep that evening.

And when he does eventually stand, half dressed by the time Jesse drags his face out of the pillow that took his place and lets out a grumble.

“Darlin’, tell me last night was a nightmare. Nothing more, I don’t even care if it’s the truth,” the man says, softening slightly as he continues. “I don’t wanna go out there. Can’t face him again.”

“I am sure Angela can excuse you for a little while. I overheard Hana saying she’d done much the same for Reinhardt-”

“But I’m not Rein, am I?”

“That wasn't what I was saying.” He admits, a hefty sigh escaping his lips as he sits at the end of the bed, silent for several seconds as he tries to steady himself. “You all knew him, and you all cared deeply about him. I just wanted to show you could be excused.”

“I getcha. I’m just so tired, first time around Overwatch was less fighting and more lookin’ pretty. Perhaps the odd battle, but only to make yourself look busy. Genji probably told you that much, yeah?”

“He’s told me many stories of those types of things, as have the others.”

“Blackwatch was fightin’. But we aren’t Blackwatch, yet we’re fighting every battle in the world here anyway.”

“Do you think that’s an issue?”

“Morally? Nah, we’re doing what we were meant to. But I mean, the memories tell me this is wrong, and I wanna have a chance to catch my breath. I mean, for fuck's sake my old boss showed up and now I’m stuck tryna face that too?”

“It’s… unfair. Cruel of him to come and launch all of this onto you, but perhaps he knows no other way than to fight until he gets noticed.”

“Sounds like him, not gonna lie about that. Did I ever tell you about his time in SEP where he decked Jackie boy because some other guy was spreading shit?”

“You haven’t,” he retorts, almost dryly as he smiles softly at him. “The point is, I doubt anyone will mind if you’re absent. It’s a lot to comprehend, even the trivial parts of what he says. I imagine I’d react much the same way if my father returned-”

“But he ain’t a bad man.”

“I know.” And, softer still. “I know. He just made mistakes, and has to atone for them.”

“And I wanna be there. Even if it hurts for a while.”

Accepting his decision doesn’t come easy, yet as he sits there and tries his best to assure him he’s made the choice he needed to do there’s a lingering feeling of doubt in the back of his mind. It plays there for quite a while, even in the mess hall where he flits back and forth between conversations for once, the bright lights above them are searing and in honesty, he wishes he could viably return to his quarters once more. Messy as they are they bring around an odd sense of peace, of order in an almost contradictory way.

But he sticks it out because if Jesse can face such an integral part of his life without so much as flinching, he can sit there in a lopsided chair with Reinhardt almost brashly clinging to his arm, laughing heartily as if there’s nothing wrong in the world.

Then again, Hanzo isn’t particularly in a position to decline the invitations to join in. Both Zenyatta and himself feel that overcoming the brooding so deeply ingrained into his person will do him good, and if that so involves humouring Hana and Lucio with tales of Genji’s childhood at that moment in time he can do no worse.

He feels human even in the face of the unnatural. 

He doesn’t hear any more screams that morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the end of my short chapter. Too short, and probably not my best work?  
> I started Avoidance back in 2016 when I was in love with the Overwatch fandom. I ran a server, and had plenty of good times in it, and understandably as all things do there were a few issues I can't remember and it fell apart to an extent. In turn it contributed to physical illness caused by stress, and I couldn't justifiably deal with the stress caused by it. I was terrified of the callout culture that became so prevalent (See, currently, with a blog that will go unnamed - though it is the first example of good I've seen come of it) and felt almost pressured to leave the fandom though my presence has always been a small one. I still, to this day, believe the only reason that incidents were never taken further is because I'm a minor.  
> The fandom will always always always hold a special place in my heart nonetheless, and I plan to see this fic through to the end no matter how long it takes, I still see the comments and they warm my heart to the absolute highest extent. So much so that they pushed me to begin writing my own, original content (of which there are currently 1.1 million words - which I never could've done without that unrelenting support.)  
> I'll take this as my opportunity to say that whilst the Overwatch fandom has evolved into something I personally can't justify putting myself near due to my mental health and the fact that I now associate my pseudonym 'Raku' with bad times and bad situations, I'm still grateful for the time I spent in it. For every comment and piece of kudos that left me feeling a bit more confident in an incredibly dark time.   
> I don't know how fast my updates for Avoidance will be. This past year has been a big one for my life, both mentally and in other ways. But I'll come back to it and finish it off sometime, might even post the last parts of my older fics that are all written up and ready to go. Thanks again!  
> \- Raku/Takanope


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